Hes jokes

There once was a man from Peru who dreamed he was eating his shoe.

He woke up at night, with a terrible fright, to find out his dream had come true.

Why did Santa go to work? Because he was just trying out the work! 😂😂

A french fry was talking to a potato, but the potato didn't understand what he was saying.

It was because he didn't speak French.

What did the marshmallow say when he was roasting in the fire? "Is it hot in here, or is it just me?"

I was out ice fishing and had no nibbles all morning.

About noon, this old guy comes out, drills a hole near mine, and starts catching fish as fast as he can bait the hook. I was getting frustrated without any luck, so I went over to ask him his secret. He said "Ymd ggt tm kppp tth yaems womg."

I said, "Excuse me, I didn't get that?" so he mumbles even louder, "Ymd ggt tm kppp tth yaems womg!" I shook my head and said, "I'm sorry, but I still didn't understand what you said."

Frustrated, the man spits out a wad out of his mouth and says, "YOU HAVE TO KEEP THE WORMS WARM!"

Why did Stephen Hawking die? He lost WiFi connection.

DEADPOOL

Why is 7 afraid of 8?

Because 8 ate 9, 10, 11!

A surgeon loses his job as he botched a surgery.

boss: "We have to let you go."

surgeon: "I protest innocence."

boss: "How?"

surgeon: "I thought doing your job and saving people's lives were two different things."

boss: "Get out!"

Stephen Hawking died when he ran out of data for the month.

I've never seen my dad since September 11. I wonder where he is...

Skeleton

A skeleton had a job interview, but he looked messy.

I had to fix his collarbone.

Once upon a time, there was a man named Daniel. He was blind and deaf, and he worked at a morgue.

So one time, poor Dan got confused and started having sex with the rotting corpse.

He then came home and thought he was at the morgue, so he started disintegrating his sleeping wife.

Once upon a time, there was a man named Daniel. He was blind and deaf, and he worked at a morgue.

So, one time poor Dan got confused and started having sex with the rotting corpse.

He then came home and thought he was at the morgue, so he started disintegrating his sleeping wife.

It's not that the man did not know how to juggle, he just didn't have the balls to do it.

My neighbor is in the Guinness World Records.

He has had 44 concussions. He lives very close to me.

A stone’s throw away, in fact.

A farmer counted 196 cows in the field.

But when he rounded them up, he had 200.

My friend David lost his ID.

Now he is just Dav.

An obese, depressed mother is trying to tie a noose, but can't reach it, so she calls her son for help.

*A few minutes later*

son: There.

mother: Where did you learn to tie such a good noose?

son: Dad showed me before he died.

mother: DAMN HIM TO HE- *slips and the noose chokes her to death*

Why couldn't the carrot go to his friend's house?

Because he was grounded.