Why is 7 afraid of 8?
Because 8 ate 9, 10, 11!
Hes Jokes
A surgeon loses his job as he botched a surgery.
boss: "We have to let you go."
surgeon: "I protest innocence."
boss: "How?"
surgeon: "I thought doing your job and saving people's lives were two different things."
boss: "Get out!"
Stephen Hawking died when he ran out of data for the month.
I've never seen my dad since September 11. I wonder where he is...
A skeleton had a job interview, but he looked messy.
I had to fix his collarbone.
Once upon a time, there was a man named Daniel. He was blind and deaf, and he worked at a morgue.
So one time, poor Dan got confused and started having sex with the rotting corpse.
He then came home and thought he was at the morgue, so he started disintegrating his sleeping wife.
Once upon a time, there was a man named Daniel. He was blind and deaf, and he worked at a morgue.
So, one time poor Dan got confused and started having sex with the rotting corpse.
He then came home and thought he was at the morgue, so he started disintegrating his sleeping wife.
It's not that the man did not know how to juggle, he just didn't have the balls to do it.
My neighbor is in the Guinness World Records.
He has had 44 concussions. He lives very close to me.
A stone’s throw away, in fact.
A farmer counted 196 cows in the field.
But when he rounded them up, he had 200.
My friend David lost his ID.
Now he is just Dav.
An obese, depressed mother is trying to tie a noose, but can't reach it, so she calls her son for help.
*A few minutes later*
son: There.
mother: Where did you learn to tie such a good noose?
son: Dad showed me before he died.
mother: DAMN HIM TO HE- *slips and the noose chokes her to death*
Why couldn't the carrot go to his friend's house?
Because he was grounded.
A guy walks into a bar. He sees a hot girl. He walks up to her and says, "You're getting laid tonight." She replies, "What are you, some sort of psychic?" He says, "No, I'm just stronger than you."
Why can't an orphan play baseball?
He doesn't know where home is.
Jesus Christ does exist, he does, and he is the son of God... a God that doesn't exist XD
My friend thinks he is funny.
He told me that the only food that makes you cry is an onion, so I threw a coconut at him.
So I heard Kenny's mom got moved to a nursing home.
He'll probably leave her alone now.
He doesn't eat vegetables.
What did the cat say when he was stuck on a thorn-bush?
"Meow!"
So, two cats, one English (named "One Two Three Cat") and one French (named "Un Deux Trois Cat"), are walking through a forest and come across a river. To have a little fun, they decide to have a race across the river.
One Two Three Cat swam across, and when he finished the race, he looked behind him. "Un Deux Trois Cat" was nowhere to be seen. So "One Two Three Cat" figured that "Un Deux Trois Cat" sank.
