Hes

Hes Jokes

Two female mice met and one spoke:

"Yesterday I met a mouse. He was black, and he had wings, and he had some cool, sharp teeth. He said he only ate at night."

Other mouse: "Umm... that's a bat."

"That asshole! He told me that he is a pilot!"

Which legendary Dutch wanderer slept for twenty years, except when he got up to pee?

Rip Van Tinkle.

It's okay to tell a Stephen Hawking joke if there are stairs in your house he can't get to you. Plus, he shut himself down, so it's all good :)

Me: *gives her 5 dollars* Climb that flag pole. Cute female: *takes the money and goes up the flag pole* Is this good? Me: Hell yeah, that's a nice view.

*Next day* Here's 10 dollars if you do it again. *She goes up there* Me: How's the view? *She goes home and her mom sees the money* Her mom: Where you getting this money? Her daughter: I climbed a flagpole. Her mom: You know he just wants you to see your panties, right? *She goes back and does it again but doesn't wear panties* Me: Holy shit ;-; Her mom: Did you do it again? Her daughter: Don't worry, Mom, he didn't get to see my panties. Her mom:...

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Friend: *hits head* Others: How many fingers am I holding up? Me to friend: How suicidal am I on a scale from one to ten? Friend: Ten Me: He's fine guys.

A big hefty porker left his balls exposed and said,

"Misses!! Come here and step upon mine balls, please!!! I pay top dollar for this extreme delight!"

She pippity popped his balls like there was no tomorrow.

And he said "yuh yuh ay ay crush these nuts nuts!"

I was running away from expired grocery items with my friend, when I got out I noticed he was left for bread. I felt so guilty, he was toast. I'm not loafing this.

I love to play catch with my dad! He's never there to catch the ball, though.