Hes jokes
Why can’t the T-Rex clap his hands?
Because he is DEAD.
Stephen Hawking died because he lost Wi-Fi connection.
I had a boyfriend once. He broke up with me because he "wanted to be more alive." I guess it didn't work when he went to my basement.
Why did Jimmy throw his clock out the window? Because he wanted to see time fly.
Why was going through JFK's head when he was getting assassinated? A bullet.
Why didn't the skeleton go to the dance party? Because he had NOBODY to dance with.
A lawyer bought a beautiful yacht. He invited the law firm to come aboard for a great weekend.
Saturday night was the candle light dinner and Sam drank too much, walked on the deck and fell over the rail into the water and was calling for help. Tom said, "Oh no, the sharks will get him." All of the party lined along the rail and noticed the sharks were swimming around him in a circle. Jim said, "The sharks are not even bothering him!" And a shark lifted up his head out of the water and said, "Professional Courtesy."
Dad: My kid just said "butch," but since he is a kid, he said a bad word on accident.
*The next day*
Uncle: F*CK!
One night, a girl said to her family, "Goodnight Mommy, Goodnight Daddy, Goodnight Grandma, Goodbye Grandpa." The next morning, her grandpa died. That night, she said, "Goodnight Mommy, Goodnight Daddy, Goodbye Grandma." The next morning, the grandma died. The dad started to fear for his life because he was next. That night, the girl said, "Goodnight Mommy, Goodbye Daddy." The next morning, the dad woke up and he was perfectly fine, but when he went into the kitchen, he saw his wife crying. When he asked her what's wrong, she said, "The mailman died."
I met this kid and he was being bullied by 9 people. I Asked 1 whats going on. They all said another one to bully they all tried hitting me and then my mates which was like 15 of them came in and it was like war all over again.
How did Stephen Hawking die?
He traveled too far from the outlet.
What is the scariest thing you'll ever see in your life? James Charles thinking he has rights.
My friend wasn't laughing at my jokes, so I said, "Is your funny bone broken?" But he got mad, and then I said, "Do you have a bone to pick with me?" He tried to insult me, but I said, "Call me what you want, I got thick skin," and this story was down to the bone.
A man goes into heaven and there he meets Jesus. He asks Jesus what that broken clock is there for. Jesus says, "That is Mother Teresa's clock, it has never moved because she has never lied." "There is Abraham Lincoln's clock. He has lied twice so it has moved twice." "Where is Donald Trump's?" asks the man. Jesus answers, "It is in my office, I am using it as a ceiling fan."
Archer riddle has less atoms in his brain than he does in his dick, and his dick is 1/4 of a millimeter.
Why didn't the skeleton go to the dance?
Because he was sans and too lazy to get his butt off the couch.
Which president has never gone to jail?
Lincoln because he's innocent in a cent, get it?
Q: Why did the chef get fired?
A: He took cooking advice from Hitler!
I asked my North Korean friend, "what's it like to live in North Korea?" He responded, "can't complain."
Why did the teddy bear decide not to eat the turkey?
Because he was too stuffed.