Hes jokes
A NASA scientist is sitting in a bar when a Martian walks in and orders a martini.
The NASA scientist quickly realizes he is dreaming and wakes up. He turns to his wife and tries to explain the dream, but she rolls over and ignores him because she is tired of listening to him.
The NASA scientist begins to sob because his marriage is in shambles. lmao.
A funny joke scenario.
Person 1: Why didn't the skeleton go to the dance?
Person 2: Because he had no "body" to go with.
Person 1: Because he was ugly, fat, and nobody liked him.
So I added Paul Walker on Xbox the other day, and it’s annoying cause all he does is sit on the dashboard.
A man walks into a bar and says to the bartender, "What, no soap?" Then he dies and she marries the barber.
A man walked into a zoo and there was only one dog.
He came out and said, "It was a shitzu."
Why does Waldo wear stripes?
'Cause he doesn't want to be spotted.
Hi, everyone. Serious question. Would it be illegal to decapitate a worm? Asking for a friend, he's so worried we're going to jail. I'm not. I'm fine. Please reply fast.
What did my dad say before he went to go get milk?
"There's money in my wallet for pizza. I love you."
My friend says, "Time flies when having fun," so when he was gaming, I threw his clock to test that theory.
If a kid does not go to sleep during nap time, isn't he resisting a rest?
(just a joke) My grandfather was involved in 9/11. I’ve kept his pilot medals for how good of a pilot he was.
A mom and her son are taking a walk when they pass a homeless man fapping. The boy asks, "What is that man doing?" The mom says, "Making pizza," trying to turn him away.
The son sees a dog fucking another dog and he asks the same thing. She says, "Making extra cheese." When they pass a window and see a couple doing it, he asks the same thing. She says, "Ordering the pizza."
Later that day, the mother says to the father, "I think I want to order some pizza with extra cheese tonight, don't know why that sounds good."
So that night, the husband who was watching tv yelled up the stairs, "Wanna order some pizza!?"
The mother replied, "DON'T WORRY I'M MAKING SOME!"
The son's voice followed, "I'M ADDING EXTRA CHEESE!"
Why didn't the skeleton go to the party?
Because he had no body to go with!
My son always said he wanted to skydive, so we went on a plane, and mid-flight, we had to jump out. The only issue is we were on a commercial flight to Arizona.
What happened when the American broke his arm?
He went broke.
Looks like he got stuck in a sticky situation.
How does Moses make his cup of tea?
He brews it.
Why did the skeleton not go to the ball? Because he had no body to go with.
Bring a knife into the shower. NEVER gonna see that coming! He pulls the curtain like ‘re re‘ and you're like ‘re re’ yourself, motherfucker, and stab him right in the eye! You thought the psycho was out there? SURPRISE, the psycho’s IN HERE with the Irish Spring on them!
What did the daddy bullet say to his son when he missed the bull and hit something brown and gross?
"That is bull crap!"