Hes jokes
Why didn't the skeleton go to the party?
Because he was arrested on suspicion of murder.
Trump cheated so much he cheated himself out of an election!
Jack and Jill went up the hill so Jack could lick Jill’s candy, but Jack had a shock with a mouth full of cock cause Jill’s real name was Randy.
With a tight cheeked fanny and shlong expandy, Jack’s face turned uncanny. Off he ranny to tell granny his best friend was a tranny.
What did the dad say when he left the lollipop store?
"Cya suckers!🍭"
I told a joke to a guy who had jumped off a bridge... He was in bits! 🤣🤦♂️
Why can't a Leicester fan pull girls? He can only do the fox trot.
A kid decided to burn his house down.
His dad watched, tears in his eyes. He put his arm around the mom and said, "That's arson."
A boy tried to give a tree a high-five, but instead, he ended up hanging.
THIS IS A RHYME
Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana.
Jack got high and grabbed her thigh and said you know you wanna.
Jill said yes as he grabbed her dress,
and they had a little fun.
Jill forgot her pills so now they have a son.
So I went to my friend's house and he told me to make myself at home, so I kicked him out. I don't like visitors.
I was given an invisibility cloak by my grandfather, but it was stolen in 2013. After investigating this issue, I have come to the conclusion it was Robert Lewandisney.
That's why he was invisible in every big game since 2013. SHAME ON YOU LEWANDISNEY!
Why was Kobe a good father?
He took his daughter with him.
My cousin: Brother, I lost in a game of Call of Duty: Moe Bill [he was supposed to pronounce it as mobile; however, I left it as it is].
Me: So tell me about it then.
My cousin: I lost to Sum_Baldi.
Me: Somebody? Don’t they have, like, the name of you opponents?
My cousin: No, no, no, the name was Sum_Baldi. S.U.M_B.A.L.D.I.
Me: Ok, my bad. Continue.
My cousin: I got Sum_Baldi, and 5 seconds later, I got kill[ed] by Sum_Fing_Wong.
Me: It’s not wrong! In Call of Duty, you are suppose to kill or be killed.
My cousin: No, no, no, the name was Sum_Fing_Wong. S.U.M_F.I.N.G_W.O.N.G.
Me: My bad again. Do continue.
My cousin: I got so angry I blow[ed] up.
Me: So you got blowed up, by what weapon?
My cousin: By the game.
Me: [was not expecting that for an answer]
He is looking for children. If you don't know who EDP445 is, look him up.
Be careful around EDP445.
I ear ass your dad's ass and he likes it.
You just shot an unarmed man.
Well, he should have armed himself then.
Why did the chicken cross the road? Because he wanted to go to KFC.
My uncle died in 9/11. He was in the plane that crashed in the field.
Why did the orphan go to church?
So he had someone to call a father.
Teacher: What do you kids want to be when you grow up?
Kid 1: I want to be a firefighter.
Kid 2: I want to be a police officer.
Kid 3: I want to be dead like both my parents.
Teacher: Ok, everyone pull out your books.
Kid 4: Are we going to ignore what he said?
Teacher: What do you want me to do? Call his parents?