If I teach man he is the fish I caught, will I no longer be a fisher of men?
Normal Kids: Today is a lovely day.
Emo kids: Here lies Chris, he shot himself!
Jesus will be history when I realize he's behind me.
Jesus lives on a long timeline, so he may seem slow to you.
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So, there was a male whale and a female whale swimming through the ocean. One day the male whale sees a ship and says, "That's the ship that killed my parents!" So they go to the ship and blow the ship over and throw the men overboard into the sea.
The male whale sees the man who killed his parents and he was still alive, so he opened his mouth and went for the man, but out of nowhere the female whale yells, "Hey!! I was in it for the blowjob, but I'm not gonna eat seamen!"
What’s Whitney Houston’s favourite type of coordination? HAAAAND EEEEEEEEEYYYYEEE!
What’s better than Ted Danson? Ted singing and Danson!
What did the the drummer call his twin daughters? Anna one, Anna two!
I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don’t know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day!
What does a nosey pepper do? It gets jalapeño business!
Read more: 100 of the funniest ever jokes and best one-liners
What does a baby computer call his father? Data!
What do you call a bear without any teeth? A gummy bear!
Why did the golfer change his pants? Because he got a hole in one!
Does anyone need an ark? I Noah guy!
How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it.
I bought a ceiling fan the other day. Complete waste of money. He just stands there applauding and saying “Ooh, I love how smooth it is.”
Chris said to me in P.E. that he likes Jacob, and he said he wants to go straight to the bedroom.
Why did Jesus create the Devil?
He didn't recognize himself through the time portal.
Why did little Billy drop his ice cream cone?
Because he got hit by a bus.
How did Jesus become self-sovereign?
He screws himself and becomes his own creator.
I saw an orphan on the street. I said, "Where are your parents?" He cried and said, "My mum and dad died in a car crash!" 😆😆😂😂🤣
"Why didn't the boy pick up his ice cream?" - Margaret
"Why?" - Depressed boy
"Because he got ran over." - Margaret
"I wish that was me." - Depressed boy
I knew a girl that died from having phone sex... She died of hearing aids.
The second coming came and went. Jesus believed he was a Christian; therefore, he could never be himself.
"Jesus is the pioneer of Hollywood. He's still famous and my favorite idol."
One day, a class of children were killed in a bus accident, but only some survived. One was praying that he would survive, and the other said, "First time?"
What does a plug do when he's horny?
He jacks off!
Knock knock. "Who's there?" Not your grandpa, he crashed the plane.
My grandpa died in 9/11. He crashed a plane.
