Why did the orphan get arrested for identity theft?
He dressed up as Batman for Halloween.
Hes Jokes
Why does Elmo turn emo? Because he's Elmo emo.
Why are people surprised by Johnny Depp having $30,000 wine bills, domestic violence accusations, rampant substance abuse, poor hygiene, and the looks of a predator?
He grew up a Florida Man, after all.
Why do so many people hate Bill Cosby? I mean, all he did was have affairs with drunk, attention-seeking women. They literally begged for it.
A man died and went to heaven. Every time you cheat, you get a worse car.
The first man cheated 5 times; he got a Jeep. The second man cheated 3 times; he got a BMW. The third man never cheated; he got a Lamborghini.
The second man saw the third man sad. He said, "Why are you sad?" The third man said, "I saw my wife with a scooter."
Why do orphans hate family-size candy?
Because they can't share it with their family.
Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7, 8, 9.
Do you know why 10 was scared? Because he was between 9/11.
Adam and Eve are going through the garden when Adam suddenly says, "What race are we?"
Eve responds with, "Ask God, he will tell you." So Adam goes over to a hill and asks, "God, what race are we?"
God says, "You are what you are."
Adam goes back to Eve and says, "We are white." Eve asks how he knew that. Adam responds with, "If we were black, he would have said 'you is what you is'."
Why did the kid cross the road?
Because he wasn't wearing his seat belt! 😂
Why does Peter Pan always fly?
'Cause he Neverlands.
A father bought his depressed son a new house, and then pointing at it, he said, "Hang in there, son!"
Lucifer is caged by Jesus, cuz he got tired of being alone on a pedestal.
If I tell you, "Jesus is the trickster," am I, or is he?
A man dies and goes to heaven. When he gets there, he sees an angel standing in the center of a room, surrounded by clocks. The man goes over to the angel and says, "What are these clocks for?" The angel looks at him. "These are lie clocks," the angel says, "every time someone lies, it ticks once. Mother Teresa never lied, so hers is at noon, and Honest Abe only lied twice." The man asks, "Where is Bill Clinton's clock?" The angel smiles, then points up at the fan.
I gave an emo kid money.
He gave me the great depression.
Why did the golfer change his pants?
Because he got a hole in one!
Do you know Mike Hawk? No, who is he? Mike Hawk in your MOUTH!
Why did the blind man fall in the well? Because he couldn't see that well.
Imagine working at the World Trade Center, only for Osama bin Laden to call and ask if he could crash at your place.
I forgot you can't make depression jokes outside of Twitter, lmao. My coworker was like, "You ready for this year to be over?"
I was like, "I'm ready for this life to be over." He was like, "Bro, what?"
