Why did the kid cross the road?
Because he wasn't wearing his seat belt! 😂
Why does Peter Pan always fly
Cause he neverlands
A father bought his depressed son a new house, and then pointing at it, he said, "Hang in there, son!"
Lucifer is caged by Jesus, cuz he got tired of being alone on a pedestal.
If I tell you, "Jesus is the trickster," am I, or is he?
A man dies and goes to heaven. When he gets there, he sees an angel standing in the center of a room, surrounded by clocks. The man goes over to the angel and says, "What are these clocks for?" The angel looks at him. "These are lie clocks," the angel says, "every time someone lies, it ticks once. Mother Teresa never lied, so hers is at noon, and Honest Abe only lied twice." The man asks, "Where is Bill Clinton's clock?" The angel smiles, then points up at the fan.
I gave an emo kid money.
He gave me the great depression.
Why did the golfer change his pants? Because he got a hole in one!
Do you know Mike Hawk? No, who is he? Mike Hawk in your MOUTH!
Why did the blind man fall in the well? Because he couldn't see that well.
Imagine working at the World Trade Center, only for Osama bin Laden to call and ask if he could crash at your place.
I forgot you can't make depression jokes outside of Twitter, lmao. My coworker was like, "You ready for this year to be over?"
I was like, "I'm ready for this life to be over." He was like, "Bro, what?"
How I Punch my Brother: Wooden Sword.
How he is telling Dad: Diamond Sword.
How hard my Dad is gonna punch me: Warden Punch.
Why did the orphan play GTA? So he could get wanted.
Can we stop talking about 9/11? My dad died, man, but he was a good pilot.
My uncle died on September 11. He was the greatest pilot in all of Saudi Arabia.
I was on an orphan's website, but I pressed on his profile and realized he had no home page.
Little Johnny was watching TV when he heard the TV say "bitch" and "bastard." He went over to his dad and said, "What is a bitch and bastard?" His dad looked at him surprised and said, "A bitch is a female, a bastard is a mailman." Johnny went back to the TV and heard them say "ass" and "shit," so he goes back to his dad and asks, "What shit and ass mean?" His dad says, "A shit is shaving cream like what I'm putting on my face, and ass is a coat, why don't you bug your mom?" Johnny goes back to the TV and hears them say "fuck," so Johnny goes over to his mom and says to her, "What does fuck mean, mom?" She looks over at him and says, "Fuck means carving, like what I'm doing to this turkey!" A few minutes later, Johnny hears a knock on the door. He walks over and answers it. He then says, "Welcome bitch and bastard, may I take your ass?" The people, looking horrified, then ask where his parents are. Johnny responds with, "My dad is putting shit on his face and my mom is fucking the turkey!"
He had the curse of vanishing.
Why can't a homeless person be in "The Boys?"
Because he would have beef with Homelander.
