Hes jokes
Jack and Jill wanted some pills.
So they went to the dealer; he saw they were kids and said, "Fuck this shit," then Jack rocked his ass and took all the good shit except birth control pills.
I pushed a disabled kid over, and he came crawling back to me.
A guy and his girl just finished making love.
Just as they lay next to each other, the girl asks, "Have you thought about any baby names?"
The guy then takes his condom off and ties it, and says, "Well, probably David Copperfield, if he gets out of this!"
Tell me a joke about my hairline.
No, because he don't got one, feel like Donald Trump, it don't move.
A Catholic priest finds a young boy crying at the top of a cliff.
“What’s wrong? Why are you crying?”
The boy points down. “Mummy and Daddy were in the car and it went over the edge.”
The priest can see the flaming wreck below. He looks around and sees no one else is about and starts to unbutton his belt.
“It’s really not your day, is it?”
Someone went up to an orphan and asked him why he was talking to the air. He said he was talking to his mom.
My dad in 9/11; he was the best pilot.
I feel sad because I went to an old man in a wheelchair while he was sitting next to a fire, and I screamed, "Hot Wheels!" 🤣
What did MLK Jr. say when he spent the night on the internet?
"Last night I had a meme."
Why did the orphan rob the bank? Because he wanted to know what it felt like to be wanted.
Did you know that Stephen Hawking's death was an accident because he pressed "shut down" instead of "sleep mode?"
What was found under MJ's pillow after he died?
Billy's jeans.
Do you know why 6 is afraid of 7? Why? Because 7 ate 9 (8).
Do you know why 10 is scared? Why? Because he is between 9 and 11.
What mistake did the manager of the Twin Towers make?
He replaced all the window cleaners with 2 commercial jets.
Jesus takes his disciples to a bar.
"13 pints of water, please," he says to the barman.
"Oh, fuck, not you again," the barman replies.
"You boys are about to see something real special," says Jesus.
One of my family members died on 9/11, he was one of the best pilots in the Middle East.
An emo kid sees his clothes hanging to dry, and he says to his clothes, "I wish I were you!"
Have you ever heard of the Russian politician who was so afraid of the dark that, instead of going to the bathroom at night, he would use a metal tin that he kept underneath his bed?
His name is Vladimir Pootin.
A missionary went to visit an orphanage in Thailand. After looking around, he asked the manager, "Why do these kids have numbers instead of names on their shirts? And why are some of them the same?"
The manager smiled and said, "Those are price tags."
My dad died in 9/11. He was a good pilot.