Have you ever heard of the Russian politician who was so afraid of the dark that, instead of going to the bathroom at night, he would use a metal tin that he kept underneath his bed?
His name is Vladimir Pootin.
Hes Jokes
A missionary went to visit an orphanage in Thailand. After looking around, he asked the manager, "Why do these kids have numbers instead of names on their shirts? And why are some of them the same?"
The manager smiled and said, "Those are price tags."
My dad died in 9/11. He was a good pilot.
Timmy had 66 toys. He said it was "2 many (662)," so he gave them to Mr. Divide. He gave 21. Equals flip it over! It’s weird.
- The emo went to give the tree a high five, but the emo was left hanging.
- How did the gay person die? Homicide.
- Why did the emo get kicked out of the amusement park? He was cutting in line.
- When does a joke turn into a dad joke? When it leaves and never comes back.
- I cried when my dad chopped onions. Onions was such a good dog.
- I have happy memories building sandcastles with my dad, until my mom took his urn away.
- How is the person over there different from cancer? His dad didn't beat cancer.
My dad died in 9/11. At least he did what he loves best: flying planes.
Why was 10 scared?
Because he was in-between 9-11.
Why was 10 scared? Because he was in-between 9/11.
How did Santa feel when he got stuck in the chimney?
Claus-trophobic.
Your forehead is so big, Mr. Clean thought he would hire you!
I am a racist, and I put my milk before cereal. Well, to be honest, that was when I had milk, but one day my dad says he was going to get some... then he left.
Now when I see a black guy, I yell, "Thanks for picking the cotton to make my shirt!"
A guy gets home from work to see his girlfriend packing, and he asks her why she is packing. The girl says, "Because I found out you're a pedophile." The guy goes, "A pedophile?" And she says, "Yes." The guy goes, "That's a big word for a 12-year-old."
When Peter Pan jumped off the Twin Towers, what happened? He Neverland.
Why does Trump play Minecraft?
'Cause he can build walls.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the other side!
A dolphin swims into a bar and looks at the menu. He calls the bartender and orders a pint of ginger-whale.
An adopted kid is walking to school when an emo kid approaches him. He says the emo kid, "Do you have rope?"
"No," replies the adopted kid.
"Dang it! I hate you," says the emo kid. "Now the adopted one is angry. Well, at least I'm loved," says the adopted kid.
If you know an emo kid, please stay away. The depression is contagious. I'm a survivor.
Like if you dislike emos.
Did the tree high five the emos?
No, he just left them hanging.
Stephen Hawking can pass any test, but there's one test he can't pass. It is the PACER test.
One day in Roblox, someone was arguing with me, and they asked me my age. "18." They said that they were twenty-two.
Me: "If you're so smart, what's the largest daycare game on Roblox?"
Him: "Yo Hair," he said. Then he left the game, and I said, "That is so messed up. Actually, that's bullcrap."
