A guy wakes up one morning and is walking down the road, and he smells fish, and he says, "Good morning, ladies!"
Hes Jokes
Why did the cop ask the orphan if he was home alone?
The orphan said because my parents have never come back yet because I have none.
Why did Michael Jackson dangle a baby over a balcony?
He wanted to clean out the blanket.
Why doesn't Newton cut trees in vanilla Minecraft? Because he wants Minecraft to be realistic!
Why did Hitler's cookies taste bad? He forgot to clean out the oven.
When does the slowest person go as fast as a train?
When he is on the train.
Jeff crosses the US border.
The second he crosses into the USA, a guy comes up with a gun.
Jeff: "That's what I was expecting."
The police department made a new machine that will teleport you back to prison if you commit a crime. The police release 4 criminals: a hacker, a rapist, a serial killer, and a drug lord. The hacker tries to hack a bank. The hacker gets teleported back to prison. The drug lord tries to cook meth. The drug lord gets teleported back to prison. Now the serial killer decides that she wants to change, but when she sees a knife she just canโt help it. She bends down to pick up the knife and the rapist gets teleported back to prison.
Why was the orphan so successful?
Because people always said, "Go big or go home," and he only had one option. ๐๐คฃ
My great uncle died in a concentration camp.
He fell off one of the guard towers.
Your manna so fat your father will be coming around the mountain when he cums.
Michael Jackson died of shock when he found out Boys II Men wasn't a delivery service.
I asked the gym instructor,
"Can you teach me to do the splits?"
"How flexible are you?" he asked.
"Well, I can't make it on Fridays."
You: Hey, Alexa, what is your gender?
Alexa: I identify as Michael Jackson, and my pronouns are...
Me: *hears it* And their pronouns are he/he.
I asked my French mate if he had a games console. He said, "Oui!"
I taught my dog how to play the trumpet on the London Underground over the weekend.
He went from Barking to Tooting in just under 20 minutes.
The police officer in London, who used fake Covid rules to arrest a young woman, drive her more than 50 miles out of London in a hire car, murder her, and do whatever to her, has appealed against his Whole Life tariff.
He should be relieved it was only that! Could've been worse... could've married her!
A father came to his daughter's 18th birthday. He finally came.
Santa's sack is big because he only comes once a year, but his sack is SO BIG after containing the lovely eggnog he has that those weigh the sleigh.
He never had kids because he comes in the chimney.
What did the eagle say to Obama?
He said: "Joe Mama!"
