Herring jokes

Three nuns are having a charity in front of the church.

A man in a trench coat walks up and flashes the three nuns. The first nun had a stroke, the second nun had a stroke, but the third nun, her arm was too short.

How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb?

One, she just holds the bulb to the socket and waits for the world to revolve around her.

A 28-year-old medical student is auctioning off her virginity online.

For $300K, you can have the worst sex of your life.

Why did the grandmother put wheels on her rocking chair?

... she likes to rock and roll lol.

Yo momma so short... You can see her feet on her driver's license photo!

Police Report: Looking for a female, light brown hair, blue eyes, freckles, and a small scar on her right check.

Last seen on CCTV wearing see-through bottoms, a pink top, and a vibrating dildo hanging out of her arse. If you find this woman, please get her to charge the dildo for excessive fun.

Him: *slowly drives past elementary school while looking at kids*

Her: Why are you staring at those kids? *jokingly* Are you like a pedophile or something?

Him: ... At least you know why I love calling you "baby" now~

The mother and her daughter went to the store. After they arrived, the daughter looked around and ran off somewhere. The mother realized this and took off looking for her. After a while, she found her tugging on a black man. The mother asked, "What are you doing?" and the daughter replied, "I wan't the chocolate!"

The first thing a man looks at in a woman, is her heart.

The fact that her breasts block the view is not her fault.

Yo mama so fat, when God said, "Let there be light," He was just asking her to move.

How do you make a lesbian upset?

Give her a multiplication test.

Last week a girl asked me for sex. I had to disappoint her... so I said yes.

Once my girlfriend asked me to give her lipstick, and I accidentally gave her the glue stick.

She won't talk to me anymore.

Voting for Hillary because of her political experience is like...

Hiring Hitler as a birthday magician because he made 6,000,000 people disappear.

I met a girl that was 6'5" and she fell on 9/11 and broke her arm. She really said "oh snap" like a twin tower.

My girlfriend's dog died, so to cheer her up I went out and got her an identical one.

She went mad, "What am I going to do with two dead dogs?"

Yo mama so stupid, when her phone dies, she buries it.

How do you make an orphan's hands bleed?

You tell it to clap until his/her parents are back.

Why do trans women go by she/her?

Because if they went by her/she, they'd be Hershey's.

If you have a girlfriend/crush that's shorter than you, go up to her and say, "You're short, lemme add some inches."