Your mama so fat, when Pennywise said, "We all float down here," he saw her and suddenly knew he was mistaken.
I asked a Chinese girl her number, she said 'Sex sex sex, free sex tonight,'. I said 'Wow'. Her friend corrected her by saying 'She means : 666-3629'.
There are 5 cows in a field. One of them is the mom, the rest are kids. One of the kids walked up to the mom and asked, "Why am I named Daisy?" and then a daisy fell on her head.
The second cow came up to the mom and asked, "Why am I named Rose?" and then a rose fell on her head. Then the 3rd cow said, "Why am I named Violet?" then a violet fell on her head. Then the 4th cow walked up and said, "Merrrbere." Then the mom said, "Shutup, cinder block!"
There was this intern that worked at an orphanage, and she burnt it down. Luckily, she doesn't have to tell her parents.
I wanted to see if she was anorexic, so I threw a Funyun at her to see if she'd use it as a hula hoop or inhale it.
Superman was bored and wanted to go out. He called all his super friends, but they were all busy. He even calls Louis, but it's her time of the month.
He flies to the liquor store and buys some beer and gets drunk. As he is flying, he sees Wonder Woman naked on top of the roof. He starts thinking, "I will fly down and have sex with her sooooo fast," BURP, "that she won't know what happened," HICKUP.
He flies to her faster than the speed of light, BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG, and flies away with a smile. He passes out and crashed into a wall.
Wonder Woman jumps up and screams, "WHAT WAS THAT?"
The Invisible Man appears, holding his butt, and he gets off on Wonder Woman and says, "I don't know, but my butt hurts real bad."
What does a transgender call his/her parent?
Transparent.
Q: why did Sally fall off the building? A: Her dad pushed her
Q: why did Sally drop her ice cream? A: she go hit by a bus.
One day, a snail got robbed by two turtles.
The cops arrived and arrested the woman for killing her cheating husband, and the son was sent to child services. (Moral - no one cares about the frkn snail and turtles!)
whats the diffrence between a hooker and a drug dealer a hooker can wash her crack n resell it
I used to be a doctor, until a girl came in to get a kidney transplant, but I had to give her anal resizing surgery first.
My ex-wife still misses me...
BUT HER AIM IS GETTING BETTER!
My girlfriend's dog died, so I tried to cheer her up by getting her an identical one.
It just made her more upset. She screamed at me, "What am I supposed to do with two dead dogs?"
A blind woman tells her boyfriend that she’s seeing someone.
It’s either really terrible news or really great news.
I asked a pretty, young homeless woman if I could take her home. She smiled at me and said yes.
The look on her face soon changed, however, when I walked off with her cardboard box.
Julius's wife always stands behind him. Therefore, whenever he looks in the mirror, he sees her (Caesar).
What did Julius say when he saw a woman stealing an expensive chandelier?
“Guards! Seize her (Caesar)!”
Meya eats meat all her sins is go off when she eat meat.
A guy is due to meet his friends for drinks at a bar but arrives late. When he does eventually turn up his friends ask why he is late.
The guy says, "Well, you won't believe what just happened. I was walking my usual route via the rail tracks when suddenly I saw a young, naked woman tied up next to the tracks. Of course I untied her and we had sex because I freed her."
The friends are cheering and one friend asks, "So... did you get any head?"
The guy replies, "No, I couldn't find it."
