Head jokes
What did the no head man say?
"Haha!"
Knock knock!!
Who's there??
Dishwasher!!
Dishwasher who??
Dishwasher way i used to talk when i got my head kicked in!
Two rabbits were racing. Neither could get ahead, so they ended in a hare-tie!
Why don't headless people have a head in class?
Because they know that they will be ahead of the class. XD
There was a doctor's room filled with 20 women, 4 kids, 15 men, and 1 dog. However, there were forty foreheads. How is this possible?
(They will think 44 heads, not 40 foreheads.)
Because there are 40 foreheads, not 44 heads.
How do you make a baby float?
You take your foot off its head.
A drunk walks out of a bar late at night and sees a nun walking past on the footpath. He utters something hateful to himself as he begins running, building momentum before launching himself at the nun, catching her with a massive superman punch to the back of the head, knocking her tumbling brutally to the pavement.
He proceeded with a swift kicking to the nun's ribs and spine before grabbing the nun by the scruff of her habit and lifting her limp to her feet till face to face. Looking the nun dead in her eyes with menace, the drunk victoriously growled, "You're not so bloody tough tonight, are ya, Batman?"
Why was going through JFK's head when he was getting assassinated? A bullet.
A lawyer bought a beautiful yacht. He invited the law firm to come aboard for a great weekend.
Saturday night was the candle light dinner and Sam drank too much, walked on the deck and fell over the rail into the water and was calling for help. Tom said, "Oh no, the sharks will get him." All of the party lined along the rail and noticed the sharks were swimming around him in a circle. Jim said, "The sharks are not even bothering him!" And a shark lifted up his head out of the water and said, "Professional Courtesy."
5 Little Monkeys jumping on the bed. One fell off and bumped his head. Momma called the doctor and the doctor said... "Wait, why are there mines all over the floor?"
Why is Stephen Hawking so square headed? Because he forgot to shut Minecraft down!
What do you call a duck with no head?
Your mom gay.
What is the last thing that goes through a fly's head when it hits the windshield?
Its butt.
What’s better than swinging a dead baby in circles over your head with a 5 foot rope?
Stopping it with a shovel.
How do you spot an English man in Quebec?
A square head.
Roses are red, I like girls from the South, a 425-pound teacher gets suspended after sitting on a kid's head and farting in his mouth.
Jackie gives better head than Marilyn.
Friend: *hits head* Others: How many fingers am I holding up? Me to friend: How suicidal am I on a scale from one to ten? Friend: Ten Me: He's fine guys.
I got a lot running through my head right now. I wish at least one was a 12-gauge round.
There were 5 cows on a farm, one mom and 4 calves.
The first calf goes up to the mom and says, "Momma, why is my name Rose?"
The mother cow replies, "Well sweetie, when you were born, a rose petal fell on your head."
The second calf walks up and asks, "Momma, why is my name Lily?", to which the mom replies "Well honey, when you were born, a single lily petal fell on your head."
The third calf walks up, but before it can get a word out, the fourth calf screams at the top of its lungs. The mother cow yells, "Shut up, Cinderblock!"