So I got asked why I suddenly started wearing a beret, and I said, "Well, you never know when you need to pick a lock."
I once had clothes that were so unbearably uncomfortable,
but I never realized they suited me.
I got some new jeans yesterday, until I realized they didn't fit me around the waist, so I went looking for a belt. I couldn't find one. Then I had a really good idea. I could attach a ton of watches together to make a belt! But then I just thought it was a waste of time.
Why did the pervert sing Gucci Gang? Because a woman just gave him a lil pump
I tried to find a camouflage shirt, but I couldn’t find one.
What would a clock look like with no numbers?
Timeless!
What did one needle say to the other?
"You be looking sharp!"
I wanted to make a belt out of watches, then I realized it was a waste of time!
One day Little Johnny’s class is having an English lesson. The teacher asks them, “Who can use the word intelligent in a sentence?” Little Mary says, “The teacher is very intelligent.” The teacher asks them, “Who can use the word fashionable in a sentence?” Little Suzie says, “They are very fashionable.” The teacher says, “Johnny, why don’t you have a go? Use the word dictate in a sentence.” Johnny thinks for a moment and then says, "Last night I heard Daddy asking Mommy ‘Darling how does my dictate’ "
One day Little Johnny's class is having an English lesson. The teacher asks them, "Who can use the word intelligent in a sentence?" Little Mary says, "The teacher is very intelligent." The teacher asks them, "Who can use the word fashionable in a sentence?" Little Suzie says, "They are very fashionable." The teacher says, "Johnny, why don't you have a go? Use the word dictate in a sentence." Johnny thinks for a moment and then says, "Last night I heard Daddy asking Mommy 'Darling how does my dictate'"
Why is it poetic when they have plenty of those German sandals in the store? Because they're Birkenstock.
Wife: "How would you describe me?"
Husband: "ABCDEFGHIJK."
Wife: "What does that mean?"
Husband: "Adorable (A), beautiful (B), cute (C), delightful (D), elegant (E), fashionable (F), gorgeous (G), and hot (H)."
Wife: "Aw, thank you, but what about IJK?"
Husband: "I'm just kidding!"
How did the hipster drown?
He ice-skated before it was cool.
What does a house wear?
A dress.
What do you call it when a watch has too many belts? -- A waist of your time...
What did the tie say to the hat?
You go on ahead, I'll just hang around.
What shoes does a profile wear?
White vans
They have a new line of socks for paraplegics.
They are so comfortable they can't even feel them.
How do you know a hippie is on her period?
Her socks are missing.
How do you know she's off?
Her socks are tye-dye.
Why are Trump's ties so long?
Because they go all the way to Russia.
