Expiry jokes

What's the same thing between milk and a kid with cancer?

They both have an expiry date.

I've just been fired from the clock-making factory after all those extra hours I put in.

What happens when a clock is hungry?

It goes back four seconds.

Cheer up! Old age doesn't last that long!

Did you hear about the two guys who stole a calendar?

No?

They both got six months.

Birthdays are weird. We celebrate being one year closer to dying. And we celebrate it with friends and family, which is totally not how we'll die.

We're all gonna die alone, not surrounded by friends and family.