DoS jokes

Hi, how are you doing?

Adopted kid:

Hey, Alex, what are you doing?

Alex:

Nothing, just playing my game. Anyways, you know you can call me "dad."

Adopted kid:

OK, dad Alex.

Alex:

Oh, come on! My game! I’m winning. Let’s go!

Adopted kid:

I’m so glad I have a mom.

What do you say to a foot that got beaten at everything?

De-feeted (Defeated)

On a scale of 8 to 10, how good do I look?

So I told my sister, "Want [to] hear some jokes?" and she was like, "Hit me with [your] best shot, fire away," and I was like, "Okay, I know [you're] singing an old song, yeah I was trying to see if [you] sing too," and I said, "Who do [you] think I am, Chris Brown?"

What movie do orphans hate most?

"Home Alone."

McDonald's worker: Order, order!

Customer: I didn't do anything wrong!

Mississippi is a long word. How do you spell it?

Why is James ugly? Cuz he do be a nerd with braces.

What did the fork say to the cake?

A: "I want a piece of you!"

What do you call a dog with no legs?

It doesn’t matter; it ain’t coming to you.

W-what does, I mean uh, what is, um-, wh-what’s the difference, no... I mean- I mean what do you call a, um... sorry guys, i-i can’t do this. 😥🥺

*runs away in tears*

A Jew and a Jew walk into a bar. The goy says, "What do you want?" The first Jew says, "Give it alcohol." The second Jew says, "My son ran away and became Christian." Another Jew pipes in, he says, "My son too!" The bartender turns around and says, "You're not going to believe this..."

What do you call a white guy who can actually dance? Jewish.

What do you call a gay guy on fire?

LGBBQ

How do Americans learn the metric system?

9mm at a time. The problem is sometimes it goes straight through their heads.

What do you call a man with no arms or legs being pulled by a boat?

Skip.

Why do Mexicans eat tacos?

Because they're border hoppers.

In Antarctica, there are ice dicks for ladies to hop onto.

Little do they know I've been waiting for this moment.

What do you call a baby in an elevator?

Lubrication.