You: What do you call a door knob without the lock?
Me: I don't know.
You: Are you sure?
Me: I don't know.
You: Okay.
Why do orphans always ask Alexa to order milk?
Because their dad never brought it home.
FaceBook Story: My mom loves FaceBook; she literally posts every day, but this day was sort of a hard hit.
So what happened was my mom got tired of her old name on Facebook, so she changed it to Thatmilf85, and I don't want to explain what milf means, but she got a lot of DM's from a lot of old guys. BUT, this one exact guy named Johnny Sins asked my mom if she wanted to do an adult film. I don't know what that is. I think it's an adult movie, of course, so she says yes and flies out to San Diego, and she never came back after yesterday, and to YOU Johnny Sins, my mom better be Ok and that adult film better be an adult movie and not a por...
What does a nosey paper do?
It gets "Jalapeño" your face!
Why do I call my dog a vibrator?
Because every time my dog acts like a dildo, I beat him, and when I beat him, he shakes. What do you call a shaking dildo? A vibrator, therefore I call my dog a vibrator.
Why do babies cry? Cuz they can't suck very well.
What do you call a person who smokes?
Smokey the Bear.
What do you call a place where people die?
Rosshall Academy.
What do boobs and toys have in common?
Kids end up playing with toys, but adults end up playing with boobs.
Do you like me? Joke... Well come on!
BOOMSHACKALATA!
If you're ever bored, adopt an orphan. What is he going to do, be kissed by Vedanta?
How do you stop a dog from humping your leg?
Pick him up and sick his dick.
What do sheep hate?
Their enemies: goats!
What do you call a cat 🐈 that is glued down? A big cluck.
The best part of you ran down your mother's leg... Einstein got ready to climax while doing math but realized you can't cumtilyain cumtilion. It's after sucktillion fucktillion.
What do you call a shitty movie? One that fucking sucks and shits.
Son: Mom, can I get $100 for a week?
Mom: Why do you need $100 for a week?
Son: I'm going on a date, and I need $100 for a week, please.
Mom: No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Go on your date now. You got $1, so go.
Son: And you got $0.00.
Why do kids want to become cops? They want to find the guy who touched them.
This is nothing to do with 9/11, but this is my best joke.
What do you call a Paki in a microwave?
Pting pting pting.
"Herishy, me lava u, why did u leave mee? Wahh wahh baby sharka, doodle do to to babyyy cutie pie..."
