Why do you keep repeating the same joke?
Fat people: Do I look beautiful when I eat a pack of chicken?
Me: Yes, you look like a bunch of boulders crashing into each other.
Fat: Dang...
Me: Shut up, Jon Brower Minnoch.
What do bees make milk from?
Boobees.
What do you call useless skin on a penis?
A man.
Your hairline is so fat that when you meet Santa, you're fatter than him and your mom.
What do you call a white guy who can actually dance? Jewish.
What do you say when you see an apple dancing in a talent show?
He's got some "sweet" moves!
In Antarctica, there are ice dicks for ladies to hop onto.
Little do they know I've been waiting for this moment.
What do you call a baby in an elevator?
Lubrication.
What do you call cringe?
You.
(Bob holds Deric's neck)
Deric: "Water, what are you doing?"
If your best friend tells you that he's gay for you, what do you do? Tell him, "Oh, nice gay ass."
How do bees get to school?
They take the buzz.
Why do dogs howl?
Because that's the other contraction they know.
What do you call your mom when she goes into the shower?
A shower ma! (shawarma)
When do you take a cow to the movies?
On a mooo-vie!
What do you call a fish with a temper?
Undyne.
#1: What are you doing?
#2: Watching a movie.
#1: Oh, I know why, because you move-ie.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Sally.
Sally who?
You're going to bed right now.
Do you think Stephen Hawking could ever plug his Instagram or anything?
