DoS jokes
"Did everyone see that because I will not be doing it again."
- Captain Jack Sparrow
How do terrorists feed their children?
"Here comes the airplane!"
What do you call a fight at a dementia unit?
A Sundown Smackdown.
My cousin is a surgeon.
Last year he botched a surgery he was doing on a patient who happened to be gay. He's being sued for malpractice for turning a fruit into a vegetable.
What do you call a rapper who LOVES math?
MC Squared.
Memes
Q: What do a prostitute and a vacuum have in common?
A: If they stop sucking, you can smack them until they start again.
Q. What do you say when your friend has an abortion?
A. May your baby rest in pieces.
What do you call a rapper who LOVES winter sports?
Ice Cube.
Q: What do men and math tests have in common?
A: They get cheated on.
Q. What's the difference between an abortion clinic and Uber Eats?
Abortion clinics don't do deliveries.
Witches do not wear undies. Why? To get a better grip on their broomsticks.
What do you call a rapper who CAN’T GET OUT OF BED IN THE MORNING?
Snooze Dogg.
What do you call a rapper who LOVES desserts?
Ice Cream-E
How do rappers stay organized?
With rhyme books instead of planners!
Why do asscheeks make great friends?
They always stick together!
Do you love God?
Do you want to be in Heaven with Jesus, our savior, or be on Earth with bad things?
20 years later
Johnny: Hey dad.
Dad: Yea?
Johnny: Fuck you, I ain't comin' back to your grave in 16 years, then ima come back, BITCH!
Dad: Doing the same thing I did to you and your mother, ay? I deserve it :( ;O not real...NOT A FUCKING ALL.
Johnny: Yea you kinda fucking do.
Dad:...
The teacher was terrified to hear Little Johnny swear.
“I never want you to use language like that again. Where on earth did you pick it up?”
“From my father,” said Johnny.
“Well, he should be ashamed of himself. And it’s no reason for you to talk like that. You don’t even know what it means.”
“I do,” said Johnny. “It means the car won’t start.”
So one time I was with my girlfriend, crazy, right? But we were doing a TikTok eye follow challenge, and she pulled up a pic of Gwen Stacy from Into the Spider-Verse, and I looked somewhere I shouldn’t have, and she smacked me, and I changed to the Rock, and you know where she looked? WTF, right in the no-no square, and since she was a girl, all I could do was sit back and watch.