DoS jokes

Why do you go to the bank?

To get money.

When do you run from the bank?

When the cops come.

What is the difference between a dog and a cat?

I don't know either.

Why do you think I asked you? ;)

What do you call an amazing goat?

A goat-zing.

What do you call a homosexual in a coma?

A fruit and a vegetable!

What do you call a cow with a twitch?

Beef jerky.

What do you call a baby that came out of their mother's womb? A virgin.

You’re so lame, you don’t have a superpower!

"Yah, I do!"

Oh yeah? What is it?

"My diaphragm contracts and moves downwards into my chest cavity and my lungs expand!"

That’s breathing, Jim.

"NO IT’S NOT, JACOB, YOU CAN’T PROVE IT!"

How do you plan a party in space? You have to planet.

My mom showed me that she could deep throat a banana. I asked my mom how you know how to do that. My mom said, "I practice on your new stepfather."

What do you call a pig that pulled a leg? Pulled pork.

We were at a restaurant today, and my dad was talking about a place called Sea Ranch.

I asked, "What do they raise there? Sea horses?"

A few male neighbors came over to the house to take a shower because, for some reason, their house didn't have water.

A few minutes later, I walk into the shower. I see the male neighbors and Mom taking a shower together. Then I said, "What are you doing?" They all say, "We're taking a shower together so we could save water."

This man walks into a bar and says, "How do I get service here?"

The assistant bar attendant tells him to take a seat as the bartender will be there to serve him shortly. After 2 minutes, the man says this is ridiculous, that he has to wait. The assistant then offers him a bar snack of free nuts, which the man duly eats. Another 2 minutes go by, and the man then says, "OK, I get it, no service of beer, but free nuts," to which the assistant says, "Hell no, the game starts in 10 minutes." Everyone laughs and claps.

Bick: Jesus isn't real.

Ron: Yes, He is.

Bick: Prove it, bitch.

Ron: Cussing is a sin. Open the curtains.

Bick: Wh-?

Ron: JUST DO IT, DAMMIT!

The sunlight shone through the window, landing on Ron and Bick. Both of them died and went to hell.

Ron: Fuck you, Jesus.

Bick: Told you Jesus was real.

Satan: Get to work, slaves.

Moral of the story: Stay off the marijuana.

What do Nemo and my dad have in common?

They both can't be found.

What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto! 😂

There is a man and a woman on a date.

The woman asked what kind of things do you love?

The table starts to lift up on the man's side and the man says sorry.

How do you finger a feminist? Shake her hand and call her Theresa.

How many oz of water does it take to screw a light bulb?

None, also what the heck are you doing with water when people in Africa don’t have any?

I was talking to a close friend that was Islamic.

He said he was being shipped to an amazing training.

I asked, "Where are you going?"

He said, "Camp Bin Laden."

I asked, "What do they do there?"

He answered, "They got bomb training and hand to hand combat training. Plus they got arts and crafts."

I asked, "What do you mean by arts and crafts?"

He said, "See this towel on my head?" I nodded. "I made it out of boxer jokes."