How do you have sex? You take off your clothes and shove your dick in the girl's pussy. If girl suck his dick.
DoS Jokes
Why do toy bears have small eyes?
Because they were made in China.
What do you call an octopus whose father left?
An octopie.
What do women and peanut butter have in common?
They're both easy to spread.
What do you get when you put a clown, a peodophile, a gay wet person?
Answer: YOUR DAD
I feel bad for cumming on my turtle.
Why the fuck would I do that? I should have never masturbated in front of my turtle. So basically I was watching porn on my 55 inch tv and my turtle was next to me on the couch. The porno was really old. It was a DVD from 2002. It was probably the hottest porn I have ever watched and honestly I'm probably going to watch porn on dvd instead of from the internet. The only reason I had my turtle with me was because whenever I cum, I feel really depressed and lonely, so I thought that if my turtle watched with me I wouldn't feel lonely. Well, I started stroking my willie, I used lotion, I took all my clothes off, but my dumbass forgot the tissues. I realized that I forgot to grab tissues but it was too late. I was going to cum. I didn't want to cum everywhere so I had to think fast. It was when I saw my turtle when I realized what I had to do. I came like a motherfucker. My turtle was painted with my cum in his tiny little face and all around his shell. He didn't say a word about it, he didn't move, he just stood there looking at me like I killed a bunch of children. I would never forget the look my turtle gave me. His disappointing face broke my heart. I put on my clothes, I took my turtle to the bathroom and cleaned him off. What happened, happened. But my turtle would never forget what happened. My turtle, Tommy, would never forgive me. Today, I passed by him and I know he still remembers what I did to him 3 hours ago. My only wish is that one day, Tommy the turtle will forgive me for my horrible sins.
Q: What do you call a man in a wheelchair?
A: Disabled.
I do not understand why people aren't scared of spiders. I mean, like they have 87447924872320984623879480327678987388025873289576348097923408370983728 legs and 23864867759578590893839420387424763478923748394783294327428748243264278 eyes.
I saw a spider in my room. YOU THINK I'M GONNA SLEEP IN THERE?????????
Nope. I'm moving to Japan.
KONNICHIWA
What do you call a guy named Ben?
Answer: Ben
What do you call an alligator detective??
An investi-gator.
Me: Hey, do you wanna hear a joke?
Friend: Sure.
Me: Why don't churches have WiFi?
Friend: Why?
Me: They can't compete with an invisible force that actually works.
An Asian walks into a bar and asks the bartender, "Do you, too, sing 'One Long Toy Cow'?"
The bartender says to the Asian, "Sorry, I don't speak Chinese."
What do you call a flat emo girl?
A cutting board.
What do you call a group of emo friends?
THE SUICIDE SQUAD!
What do you call a flat emo?
Cutting board.
What do you call your dad?
You don't. Hahahahaha!
What do you call an opener that doesn't work?
A can't opener.
How do paedophiles greet people?
"How are you, kid?"
What do you call a missing Indian woman?
I punched an orphan, and he told me to leave him alone. I said, "What are you gonna do, tell your parents?"
