DoS jokes
So I'm the cable guy around the neighborhood, and I do everybody's cable. So I walked into this one house, and I noticed a little kid and the mom was upstairs. I was asking where her mom was, and she wasn't answering, and it looked like something was wrong, so I asked if anything was wrong. She didn't answer, so I kind of raised my voice at her, but she still didn't answer, and then I realized the hearing aid in her ear.
How do you kill a Catholic?
Crucify them...
"I told my kids not to spend all day at a computer, but then I realized I do that myself."
What do monkeys and gorillas love to listen to?
The Monkees and Gorillaz.
What do you call a boy in your mom?
Your dad.
Memes
Dani: Hey, do you like rapists?
Tess: No!
Dani: Oh, well I'm a rapist!
Tess: Oh!
How do you make a blind girl smile? Leave the plunger in the toilet.
Why can't Chinese do anything? The government won't let them.
What do you call the Spanish translation of the 9th Star Wars movie?
Rogue Juan.
What do you call a homeless orphan?
Homo-less.
Do you wanna know the best thing about 28 year olds?
There are 20 8 year olds.
Why do gay men and lesbians believe that bisexual men don't exist because there is no such thing as male bisexuality?
Because it doesn't cycle 🚲.
If you punch an orphan, what are they going to do, tell their parents?
What do you call a fat man with a rape whistle? Hogan!
What do you call an Arab flying a plane?
A pilot.
You racist fuck!
When you're bored, punch an orphan. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?
My mom told me that she and the owner of a Chinese restaurant made a deal. Now we get free Chinese food. So I ask my mom why do we get free Chinese food? Then my mom said, "I love him long time."
What do you call an Asian that steals cars? Tommy toke a motor.
What do squirrels eat?
Nuts. 🥜
What do cheetahs wear to work?
They can't change because cheetahs can't change their spots!