DoS jokes
Where do you go if you lost a pencil?
Office Works! They have solved loads of pencil cases.
A sailor drops anchor in a port and heads into the nearest pub. Everyone in the pub is whispering and pointing at him because of his odd shaped body; he has a very muscular body, but a very tiny head on his shoulders.
As he orders his drink, he tells the bartender, "I'll explain. I get this in every port and town I visit. I caught a mermaid and she granted me three wishes if I would release her back into the sea. So I told her I wanted a yacht and, sure enough, she came through for me. Next, I asked for a million bucks and now I am set for life. Last of all, I asked her if I could have sex with her and her response was, 'I don't know how you can make love to me with your type of body.' So I asked her, 'How about a little head?'"
When I was walking home, a couple of married guys were saying, "Your mom is good at her job," but I realized my mom doesn't work.
So I ask my mom, "Why are these guys saying you're good at your job? You don't work." My mom said, "Yeah, I got a new job." So I said, "What do you do?" My mom said, "Job hand, no, I mean it's called a hand job."
What do you call a man who likes rape jokes?
A fucking disgusting scumbag with no intelligence whatsoever. If you actually joke about this, you are the reason humanity has faded.
What kind of bike do women ride?
A menstrual cycle.
Memes
Don’t think, just do, live in the now, don’t care about the future, yeeeeee
What do you call a person with only one arm?
Half-assed.
Where do leg amputees go to buy a car?
IHOP
What do you get if you add "ER" onto Hamburg?
Hamburg-ER.
What do you call a Navajo with a lot of cash?
Johnny Cash.
Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?
It didn't have the guts to do it.
Do you want to hear a joke about paper?
Never mind, it's tear-able.
You are American when you walk into the bathroom, and you are American when you walk out.
But do you know what you are when you're in the bathroom? European.
What do you call a dog that's faced backwards?
A god.
What do you call a person with no arms or legs lying face first in a river? Bob.
What do you call two people with no arms or legs standing in front of a window? Curt and Rod.
What do you call Nicholas and Dillon/Dennis?
GAY
What do you call a skeleton with no arms? An un-armed skeleton.
What do you call a blind German man?
A Nazi.
What do you call a pole dancer?
A stripper.
Why do Catholic priests make the best cocksuckers for gay and bisexual men that are members of the Catholic Church?
Because there are glory holes inside of the confessional booths.
How do asses communicate?
Through booty calls!