DoS jokes
What do sperm say while just in?
"We need to go deeper."
What do condoms and whores have in common?
Answer: There is a lot that comes in every box.
A man walks into a library.
Man: "Hello ma'am, do you know where I can find a book on suicide?"
Librarian: "Do you know about our return policy?"
Suicidal Man: ...
Librarian: ...
The Woman checking out a book: "WHAT THE FUCK?"
What do you call a dictatorial cow?
Moosilini.
Why do people always talk about 9/11, but seriously, just let it sit there, like the rubble it is.
Memes
Dang, it got ketchup on my sleeve. What do I do?
Spread the love!
How do you stop a bull from charging? Cancel its credit card.
Where do you go if you lost a pencil?
Office Works! They have solved loads of pencil cases.
What do you call a deer with no eyes?
No-eye-deer (no idea).
How do people in Alabama get circumcised? You knee your sister's jaw...
What do you call a crying dick?
I call it a crying dick.
How do you get 100 Pikachus on a bus?
- Pokémon
Do you know your E?
You're E tarded.
Q. What do you call a CEO that's been shot in the head?
A. An ambulance.
A sailor drops anchor in a port and heads into the nearest pub. Everyone in the pub is whispering and pointing at him because of his odd shaped body; he has a very muscular body, but a very tiny head on his shoulders.
As he orders his drink, he tells the bartender, "I'll explain. I get this in every port and town I visit. I caught a mermaid and she granted me three wishes if I would release her back into the sea. So I told her I wanted a yacht and, sure enough, she came through for me. Next, I asked for a million bucks and now I am set for life. Last of all, I asked her if I could have sex with her and her response was, 'I don't know how you can make love to me with your type of body.' So I asked her, 'How about a little head?'"
When I was walking home, a couple of married guys were saying, "Your mom is good at her job," but I realized my mom doesn't work.
So I ask my mom, "Why are these guys saying you're good at your job? You don't work." My mom said, "Yeah, I got a new job." So I said, "What do you do?" My mom said, "Job hand, no, I mean it's called a hand job."
What do you call a man who likes rape jokes?
A fucking disgusting scumbag with no intelligence whatsoever. If you actually joke about this, you are the reason humanity has faded.
Why do orphans play Roblox? Because there is a game called "Adopt Me!"
What do you call an autistic daughter?
Why do cows have big [udders]? Because they have big balls.