DoS jokes
Friend: Hi.
Me: Do you know how lost their dad is?
Friend: Me?
Me: Damn, no, not you.
Friend: Then who?
Me: The orphan kid.
I guess we're the same.
When my family goes to weddings, my senior relatives tell me things like “You’re next!” So I started doing the same to them at funerals.
What do you say when Jack's late to sex ed?
"Aye-jack-you-late!"
What do you say if you want to borrow your black sister's foundation? "Got any lighter shades?"
What do eating a watermelon, rolling a cigarette, and eating a hippie chick out have in common?
Spit, spit, spit!
Memes
Beethoven composed his whole life.
What did he do in the afterlife? He decomposed! Har har har har har har.
Why do people have a lot of money and they have to spend it on jewelry 24/7 all the time?
Okay, what do you call that purple thing in your mom's top dresser drawer that she calls her best best friend for some weird reason?
Dad better look out from Bob, battery-operated boyfriend, hahaha!
I told my emo girlfriend, "Do you like the lights?" Oh wait, she ain't got any.
If a person with Down syndrome robs you, what do you say? “I’m up your Down.”
Why do French people eat snails?
Because they don't like fast food.
What do you call a chubby Robert Pattinson? The Fatman.
Your forehead is so big, it gets home 50 min before you do.
Guy and Girl are in the shower talking to each other.
Guy: Let's drop the soap.
Girl: Let's do it!
What do a mole and an eagle have in common?
They live underground, except for the eagle. Lol.
Do you like In-N-Out?
Yes, why? In and out of your mouth.
What kind of shells do tanks use to cheat?
A-cheat shells.
How do the Powerpuff Girls vape?
They take a "power puff."
A: What do you call a sophisticated American? B: Canadian.
A: Why aren't there any Mexicans in Canada? B: They can't run that far.
«A: Что вы называете искушенным американцем? Б: Канадец.
A: Почему в Канаде нет ни одного мексиканца? Б: Они не могут убежать так далеко».
What do you call a deer with no ear?
One ear.