I told my emo girlfriend, "Do you like the lights?" Oh wait, she ain't got any.
DoS Jokes
Why do French people eat snails?
Because they don't like fast food.
What do you call a chubby Robert Pattinson? The Fatman.
I have returned. Anyways, what do you call it when you're actually in Panera Bread, being in Panera Bread?
What do you call a virgin from Alabama? An orphan.
What do you call a red potato?
A tomato. 🍅
(I know it's cringe!)
Why do men get great ideas in bed?
'Cause they are plugged into a genius!
What do you call Moby Dick's dad?
Papa Boner.
Where do you take someone who’s been injured in a peek-a-boo accident?
To the I.C.U.
My friend: I want to cut myself.
Me: No, don’t do that. *hands lighter* Do this instead.
Why do high tides come up so high?
Because they come up to say hi.
Your forehead is so big, it gets home 50 min before you do.
What do you call a deer with no eyes?
Correctly spelled.
Wife: “How do I look?” Husband: “With your eyes.”
What do they call Dwayne "the Rock" Johnson's son? The Pebble.
Why do orphans not use iPhones?
Because they don't have a home button.
Guy and Girl are in the shower talking to each other.
Guy: Let's drop the soap.
Girl: Let's do it!
A: What do you call a sophisticated American? B: Canadian.
A: Why aren't there any Mexicans in Canada? B: They can't run that far.
«A: Что вы называете искушенным американцем? Б: Канадец.
A: Почему в Канаде нет ни одного мексиканца? Б: Они не могут убежать так далеко».
What do you call a deer with no ear?
One ear.
Okay, what do you call that purple thing in your mom's top dresser drawer that she calls her best best friend for some weird reason?
Dad better look out from Bob, battery-operated boyfriend, hahaha!
