DoS jokes
"Do you want to hear a joke?"
"Yes."
"Okay, record yourself and then listen to it!"
Why are vampires always sick?
Because they are coffin.
What do you call a fast Panera Bread?
Panera Sped.
How are baseball and an orphan different?
A baseball game you can do a home run.
What do you call a Chinese man with one leg?
TY-WON-SHO
(Tie one shoe)
Memes
What do you call a very long bowl?
Manute Bowl.
When butterflies fall in love, do they feel humans in their stomach?
Why do blind kids like plane crashes?
Because you can’t dislike what you have never seen.
What do you call a Muslim bee?
Habibee.
What do you call a person that [proudly] knows only one language? A bloody seppo.
What do you call a person that speaks five languages? A Euro waiter.
When Leicester City won the league in 2015/16, do you think there was a little lad in Africa running around with "Drinkwater" on his back, annoying the hell out of the locals?
What do you call a dog magician?
A labracadabrador.
If I died and went to heaven, do you think I’d be friends with Prince?
The only thing that makes me want to stay alive more is the thought that Prince would hate me.
Fat bully. That was just the starter, now do you want the main course?
Me: I don't think I want that because you already ate it.
Why do orphans like tigers? I don't know, you tell me.
Why do orphans miss Mother’s Day? Because they don’t have a mother to give to!
What do you call someone who’s afraid of breaststroke? Chicken breast.
How do you kidnap Stephen Hawking?
Shut off his computer.
What dessert do you get on September 11th?
An ice cream flight!
Q: What do you call a blonde with two brain cells?
A: Pregnant.