DoS jokes
Mom: Do I look fat in my dress?
Child: Nah... you look fat in every dress!
I told my emo girlfriend, "Do you like the lights?" Oh wait, she ain't got any.
If a person with Down syndrome robs you, what do you say? “I’m up your Down.”
What do you call a chubby Robert Pattinson? The Fatman.
Where do you take someone who’s been injured in a peek-a-boo accident?
To the I.C.U.
Memes
My friend: I want to cut myself.
Me: No, don’t do that. *hands lighter* Do this instead.
Confusion life question!!!
* Can you cry underwater? * Do fishes ever get thirsty? * Why don't birds fall out the tree when they sleep? * Why is a building called that when it's already built? * When they say dog food is new and improved, who tastes it?
Why do high tides come up so high?
Because they come up to say hi.
Your forehead is so big, it gets home 50 min before you do.
What do you call a fat motivational speaker?
Four chin teller.
What do you get when you mix LSD and birth control? A trip without kids.
What does a terrorist do when they see a twin?
They fly a plane at them.
What do you call the ghost of a chicken? A poultrygeist!
What do orphans and apples not have in common... The apples get picked up.
"Hola, soy Dora. Do you see the cliff? Say, "backpack." Tell her that we need Amanda. While I push her off the cliff, you will not peek. Did you just peek? Close your eyes, you silly goose." The end.
What do you call Moby Dick's dad?
Papa Boner.
Wife: “How do I look?” Husband: “With your eyes.”
What do they call Dwayne "the Rock" Johnson's son? The Pebble.
Why do orphans not use iPhones?
Because they don't have a home button.
Guy and Girl are in the shower talking to each other.
Guy: Let's drop the soap.
Girl: Let's do it!