DoS jokes
Why do cantaloupes always get married in the church?
'Cause they can't elope.
Why do golfers always bring a spare pair of pants?
Because they always get a hole in one!
Why do lions always lose at poker?
Because they always play against cheetahs.
What do you call a no "r"-med T-rex?
A T-ex.
What do you call a dog that fell into the Porta-Potty?
A Corgi Potty.
Memes
What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator ;)
Why do we name hurricanes?
To keep an eye on them.
What does a doctor do to make you better?
Helium.
Q: Why do Dasher and Dancer love coffee?
A: Because they're Santa's Starbucks!
Someone asked me if I was a good sleeper. I told them I'm so good that I can do it with my eyes closed.
What language do they speak in the middle of the earth?
CORE-ean
How do you stop a baby from crawling on the floor?
Nail one hand to the ground...
How do you stop it from crawling in circles? Nail the other hand to the floor.
A letter to all Math:
Dear Math,
Grow up and solve your own problems!
2x6= DO IT YOURSELF!!!!
My wife and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children.
If anybody does, please just send me your contact details, and we can drop them off tomorrow.
If your kid beats up an orphan, what are they going to do? Tell their parents?
Q. What do you call a goose that thinks he's a goat?
A. A Billy Goose.
What do you call a cow with stuff growing on it? Moscow.
What do you call a guy with a big dick that likes to eat fish?
Long John Silvers or Captain D's.
Why do dogs like skeletons?
Because they're boneheads.
What's the difference between a boy and girl? A boy always carries an average 5in "do not enter" sign.