DoS jokes

What do you call it when you see Chinese people in a gang?

The "Ching Chang Gang."

How do you make holy water?

You boil the hell out of it.

What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?

Nothing, you haven't told her twice.

So a woman walks into a magician's toy store and browses the collection. Among which was a black, phallic-looking object. She brings it to the counter and asks, "what's this?"

The cashier explains that it's a magical dildo that will listen to whatever you say, "fuck me in the ass," it'll float in the air and fuck you in the ass, "fuck me in the pussy," it'll float in the air and fuck you in the pussy, "faster," it'll go faster, "harder," it'll go harder. She bought this magical artifact and went home for a night of fun and pleasure.

After receiving several orgasms from the magical dildo, she'd had enough, and she told it to stop, but it didn't. The dildo continued to penetrate her, it would go harder and faster, but it refused to stop or slow down. In a panic, she ran over to her car and drove to the hospital to get it surgically removed. Her panic made her disregard the traffic rules, and she quickly found herself pulled over by a cop. As she pulled down her window, the cop leaned towards the door and asked "Do you have any idea how fast you were going!?", the woman tried to explain the situation, she told the officer about the magical dildo stuck in her pussy, but the officer didn't believe her, "magical dildo, my ass" he said, and the lady drove home.

A kindergarten teacher was telling a story...

A kindergarten teacher was telling a story about a farmer walking around the farm talking to the animals. She was trying to get the kids to interact, speak up, and to use their imaginations.

"Mister Farmer stopped at the cow, and the cow said 'Morning, Mister Farmer!'. Susie, what do you thing the farmer said next?"

Susie says "He said 'Good morning Mrs. Cow!'"

"Mister Farmer stopped at the pig next, and the pig said 'Good morning, Mister Farmer!'. Johnny, what do you thing the farmer said next?"

Johnny says "He said 'Good morning Mr. Pig!'"

"Mister Farmer stopped at the chicken, and the Chicken said 'Morning, Mister Farmer!'. Billy, what do you thing the farmer said next?"

Billy says "The farmer said 'Holy shit, that chicken is fucking talking!'"

What do you call gay men receiving anonymous blowjobs at the glory holes inside an adult bookstore?

Norwegian massage.

What do you call a bad "egg" meme?

Deep fried!

What do you call a flat emo?

A cutting board.

What do you call a brave octopus? Octobrave.

What do you call a deer with no eyes? No eyed deer.

What do u call a deer with no eyes or legs? Still no eyed deer.

What do u call a deer with no eyes, no legs and no balls? Still no f*#$in eyed deer.

A black lady goes inside the drug store on Eight Mile Road in the city of Detroit, Michigan, and asks the pharmacist, "I would like to buy a box of tampons."

And then the black lady is asked by the pharmacist, "Do you want to buy the box of mini pads, or do you want to buy the box of maxi pads?"

And then the black lady asks the pharmacist, "What is the difference?"

And then the pharmacist asks the black lady, "What is your flow like?"

And then the black lady tells the pharmacist, "Linoleum."

What do you call a cross between a priest and a child?

The cross shoved up the priest’s ass as he ‘downward dogs’ the kid.

What do you call Link when he is hurt?

A link to the cast.

Why do cows have hooves?

Because they lactose!

What college do cows go to?

The Mooniversity.

Why do kids with cancer hate their birthday?

They don't know if they'll be alive to see it.

Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?

A: Because chickens are mindless creatures and do not know any better.

What did the orphans do when the bombs drop?

They said, "Allahu Akbar."

What do you call a priest who became a singer?

Michael Jackson.

What do you call an autistic kid with a gun?

Special Forces!! HAHAHA