DoS jokes
Three men are shipwrecked on a jungle island and taken prisoner by the residing cannibals. They are all told to walk into the jungle and come back with one piece of fruit. They go in and the first man comes out with a peach. He is instructed to shove it in his ass, and if he laughs, he will be killed. He tries and dies.
The second man comes back with a grape and is instructed to do the same. When the two meet at the pearly gates, the first man says, "I had a peach. They're fuzzy. You had a grape. What's your excuse?"
"Well, I was doing fine until I saw Jimmy come out of the brush with a pineapple."
How do you punish Stevie Wonder for bad behavior?
You move all of the furniture around.
1st Person: Do you want to know something funny?
2nd Person: Yeah, sure!
1st Person: I don’t know, I’m German!
A blind guy and his seeing eye dog walk into a bar.
The blind guy starts swinging the dog around on the leash.
The bartender yells, "Sir, stop! What are you doing!?"
The blind guy says, "I'm just looking around."
It's weird how Stephen Hawking's last name sounds like "walking and talking," but he could not do either of those!
Memes
How do you tell the difference between a Communist and everybody else? The way they are spelled.
Q. What do rape victims miss?
A. Part of their brain.
What does the ocean do to its friends?
It waves.
(*Sorry I wasn't making any jokes for a while, I was getting sick of this thing.*)
How do you get a depressed girl to suck your dick?
Pour bleach on it.
A man walked into a toilet and saw a woman fingering a man and said, "I think you're doing it wrong." Turns out it was two transvestites.
Please, this is disgusting. This is only men who think that it’s fun to do jokes about rape. It’s really fucking dramatic for a man/woman to get raped, so please just shut the fuck up!
How do you find a redneck virgin?
Just look for a 4-year-old. They can run faster than her brothers.
What do you get if you cross a pig and a witch with sand?
A ham sandwich.
What do you call an Indian person who is not starving? Dead.
After the shooting, people were asking why they would do it.
They wanted to stop but it turns out they were playing an online game.
If you have sex and your African parents find out,
“You can do the boom boom. But you can not do the boom boom in my house. Do it somewhere else."
What does a skeleton say when it has a lot of stuff?
"I have a skele-TON of stuff to do."
How do you turn a straight guy into a gay guy? Well... for starters, you grab that ass of his, drag him into the bathroom, and tell him to suck my long, big pineapple, and thus you have yourself one straight guy converted into a dick-sucking machine.
Me and my mom order Chinese food. So when it came, my mom grabbed the egg roll and started to suck it down. Then I ask my mom what are you doing. Then my mom says, "I love you for 5 dollar."
What do you call a swearing piece of shit?
Cus-turd.