DoS jokes

What do Indian hip hop artists eat?

Rice rice baby.

My cat sleeps about 20 hours a day. She has her food prepared for her. She can eat whenever she wants, 24/7/365. Her meals are provided at no cost to her. She visits the doctor once a year for her checkup, and again during the year if any medical needs arise. For this she pays nothing, and nothing is required of her.

She lives in a nice neighborhood in a house that is much larger than she needs, but she is not required to do any upkeep. If she makes a mess, someone else cleans it up. She has her choice of luxurious places to sleep. She receives these accommodations absolutely free. She is living like a queen, and has absolutely no expenses whatsoever. All of her costs are picked up by others who go out and earn a living every day.

I was just thinking about all this, and suddenly it hit me like a brick in the head, Holy Sh*t, my cat is a Democrat!

What do you call a blind author?

A Braille writer.

What do you call a cutta with ginger hair?

Flinn Taylor.

What do you get when you cross a bunny and a Rottweiler? Just the Rottweiler.

You're the bunny, and I'm the Rottweiler.

Monkey: What ya doing?

Other monkey: Just you know, "hanging around."

Bad joke, right? I just can't think of something amazing. It's like my brain is "hanging."

Biden: Shut up, Trump, disrespectful!

President: You are the one with the inappropriate hair touching, bro. 😎😎😎😎😎😎

Biden: -laughs hard because sloppy Joe can't do anything.

How do you know a gay guy has been in your house?

There are speedos in the microwave.

A child asks his father, "How do you get pink eye?"

Son, I was told it’s from scratching your butt, then rubbing your eyes.

Then the son asks, "How did I get Fungi?" As the father was about to answer, the boy says, "Ohh, so is it from scratching my stinky feet, then rubbing my eye?" ———-Fungeye

How do you tell when your wife is dead?

The sex is the same, but the dishes pile up.

What’s Whitney Houston’s favorite type of coordination? HAAAAND EEEEEEEEEYYYYEEE!

What’s better than Ted Danson? Ted singing and Danson!

What did the drummer call his twin daughters? Anna one, Anna two!

I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don’t know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day!

What does a nosey pepper do? It gets jalapeño business!

What does a baby computer call his father? Data!

What do you call a bear without any teeth? A gummy bear!

Why did the golfer change his pants? Because he got a hole in one!

Does anyone need an ark? I Noah guy!

How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it.

I bought a ceiling fan the other day. Complete waste of money. He just stands there applauding and saying “Ooh, I love how smooth it is.”

What do you call a washed vegetable?

A disabled kid that needs a towel.

I'm late for my interview! Do you know where the nearest sex offender registry is?

Why do animals have playing cards with foxes?

Because they’re a bunch of cheetahs!

666 + 420 + 911 + 21 = ?

Do it in calculator.

What do you call a cringey Indian man? A Cringian.

Sorry, the joke is bad :(

A French, a German, and an Italian make a race to see who resists the most in a room full of flies. The French starts, and after a quarter of an hour, comes out.

Then goes the German, who comes out after an hour. Finally, the Italian enters and comes out after five hours.

The French: "But how did you do it?"

The Italian: "I killed one."

The German: "So what?"

The Italian: "And then they were all busy for the funeral!"

How do you get a hippie chick pregnant?

You cum on her feet and let the flies do the rest.

What do you call a bullet head?

JFK.

What do you call a pool full of retards?

Vegetable soup.