DoS jokes
What do you call an octopus with eight legs? An octo-pussy!
How do you make a plumber cry?
Break his pipes...
What do you get when you cross an eagle with a lion?
A griffin.
My Bff: Hey do want any coffee?
Me: Yeh, of course.
My Bff: Ok which one?
Me: You know... the black one.
Me: Like my soul...
My Bff: Jeez you ok?
If you ever get bored, just punch an orphan. I mean, what are they gonna do? Tell their parents?
Memes
So I came across a guy who was carrying a ton of clothing and makeup.
And I asked him what he is doing.
Guy: Some kawaii girl told me if I bought and brought her this crap, she would let me play with her tits.
Me: Erm... Are you a simp?
Two minutes later, the guy arrived at Kawaii Girl's house.
KG: You have it?
Guy: Yup, now can I play with them?
KG: Sure!
KG then went to her room.
Guy: Ohhhh, I know what your going to do. You're gonna call me over and you will be-
KG then held a bird cage with two birds in it.
KG: Have fun playing with them!
Guy: WHAT THE FU-
Little Johnny walked into class with a black eye, and the teacher said, "Why do you have a black eye?"
Johnny said, "Well, me and my parents have to share a bed, and my dad asked me if I was asleep and I said no, so he smacked me."
The teacher said, "Well tonight, don't say anything."
The next day, Johnny walked in with another black eye, and the teacher said, "Why do you have another black eye?" Little Johnny said, "Well, last night, I did what you said and didn't say anything when my dad asked me if I was asleep. A few minutes later, my dad said he was coming, and my mom said she was coming too. They usually don't go anywhere without me so I said 'Wait for me, I'm coming too.'"
What do you call a hot Mac Book Pro?
A Mac Daddy Pro.
How do you make a dead baby float?
Two scoops of ice cream, one scoop of dead baby!
What do you call a blonde?
A piss-head.
What do you call a kid with no arms or legs?
Names......
How do you make holy water?
You boil the hell out of it.
What do you call an emo furry squad?
The suicide furs.
What do you call a rapper's pet?
A HIP-HOP-POTAMUS.
What do blondes and beer bottles have in common? They are both empty from the neck up.
What do you call a black astronaut? A black astronaut, you racist.
What do you call a flat-chested emo?
A chopping board.
Should I do a face reveal?
What do Michael Jackson and an Xbox have in common?
They both get turned on by kids.
What do you call it when tectonic plates start racing?
Continental Drift.