What do you call a retarded cow?
Vegan (vegetable).
DoS Jokes
What do you call a drunken Muslim?
Mohammered.
A hot woman called "Jessie" was showering when the phone rang.
Jessie was upset because the phone wouldn't stop ringing, and she goes out naked from the bathroom to answer the phone in the hall.
Jessie on the phone: 《Hello? 》
The one on the phone: 《Oh hi, I'm Jeff, I just wanted to tell you don't go out from your bathroom naked next time because my brother is behind you right now trying to rape you.》
Jessie: 《Stop it my sister! This is the 10th time you do this cringe joke! It gets boring!》
But sadly it wasn't a joke, and she cried a lot that night and learned how not to go out naked from the bathroom again.
Can people please shut up about "male privileges"? There is no right that men have that women don't.
Women have the right to genital integrity. Women can vote without having to sign up for the draft.
Women have the right to choose parenthood; men do not.
Women have the right to be assumed caregivers for children.
Women have the right to call unwanted, coerced sex rape.
Women have the right to lower jail sentences for the same crime.
Women have the right to not be assumed sexual predators.
Women have the right to government departments that solely serve their interests. They also have the luxury of "women only" events that men cannot even dream of. (They even took the boy scouts away from us.)
Women have the right to government-enforced gender quotas.
Women have the right to exclusive tax benefits for being a business owner.
Women have the right to domestic violence shelters.
Women have the right to not be assumed the primary aggressor in a domestic dispute.
Women have the right to rape a man or boy, and if she gets pregnant from that man/boy, they can sue him for child support.
So it is women who have more rights.
So shut up, feminists, please.
One day my sister was making hotdogs. My sister asked me if I wanted some. I said no. Then my sister asked my friend, and he always said no.
Then my sister said I have to eat it plain with no flavor. We have no ketchup, mustard, or onions. My friend said I got something to give it flavor. My sister said, "Okay."
My sister left the kitchen to get something. I asked my friend what are you going to do. Then he took the hotdog bread, opened it, and ran his penis all around it, and put some white cream that came out of his penis. I put the hotdogs on the bread. Then my sister came back and put hotdogs on the hotdog bread. I told my sister the hotdogs are ready. She ate them. I asked how were the hotdogs. My sister said, "I don’t know what flavor is this, but it is very tasty."
Three men are shipwrecked on a jungle island and taken prisoner by the residing cannibals. They are all told to walk into the jungle and come back with one piece of fruit. They go in and the first man comes out with a peach. He is instructed to shove it in his ass, and if he laughs, he will be killed. He tries and dies.
The second man comes back with a grape and is instructed to do the same. When the two meet at the pearly gates, the first man says, "I had a peach. They're fuzzy. You had a grape. What's your excuse?"
"Well, I was doing fine until I saw Jimmy come out of the brush with a pineapple."
How do you punish Stevie Wonder for bad behavior?
You move all of the furniture around.
1st Person: Do you want to know something funny?
2nd Person: Yeah, sure!
1st Person: I don’t know, I’m German!
Q. What do rape victims miss?
A. Part of their brain.
How do you get a depressed girl to suck your dick?
Pour bleach on it.
A man walked into a toilet and saw a woman fingering a man and said, "I think you're doing it wrong." Turns out it was two transvestites.
How do you tell the difference between a Communist and everybody else? The way they are spelled.
A blind guy and his seeing eye dog walk into a bar.
The blind guy starts swinging the dog around on the leash.
The bartender yells, "Sir, stop! What are you doing!?"
The blind guy says, "I'm just looking around."
It's weird how Stephen Hawking's last name sounds like "walking and talking," but he could not do either of those!
What does the ocean do to its friends?
It waves.
(*Sorry I wasn't making any jokes for a while, I was getting sick of this thing.*)
Please, this is disgusting. This is only men who think that it’s fun to do jokes about rape. It’s really fucking dramatic for a man/woman to get raped, so please just shut the fuck up!
How do pedophiles get kids to suck their d**k?
They spray paint it like candy 🍬.
What do you call an Indian person who is not starving? Dead.
After the shooting, people were asking why they would do it.
They wanted to stop but it turns out they were playing an online game.
How do you find a redneck virgin?
Just look for a 4-year-old. They can run faster than her brothers.
