DoS jokes

Man: I'm here for the job interview.

Employer: Oh good, good. Sit down. We don't get many people for the interviews.

Man: Just anywhere?

Employer: Yeah, make yourself comfortable. Jackson, right?

Man: Yeah, that's me.

(Shakes hands and sits back down)

Employer: So what makes you eligible for the job, Jackson?

Man: Well, I'm really good at capturing the perfect shot and angle. It really takes dedication to do this type of job. Concentration and willpower, sir.

Employer: I like you already, you're hired!

Man: Wow, thanks, sir. I know I won't do you wrong. I'll work hard for this job!

Employer: You start now! Your first person is a man named John F Kennedy.

Man: What? You want me to just take pictures of him during the parade?

Employer: No.

Man: This... This is a photography job, right?

Employer: No... this is a job employment for man hunting.

If you wanna hit somebody, hit an orphan, what are they gonna do... tell their parents?

What do you call a pie made by an octopus? Octopie.

A blind man went to a restaurant.

"Menu sir?" asked the owner. "I'm blind, just bring me one of your dirty forks, I will smell it and order." The confused owner went to the kitchen to retrieve a fork and returned to the blind man.

The blind man smelled the fork with a deep breath, "Yes I will have the lamb with seasoned potatoes and spring vegetables." Unbelievable, thought the owner. The blind man ate and left. Two weeks later the blind man returned. The owner, wanting to know how good his smell is, quickly went to the kitchen where his wife Brenda was cooking and said, "Do me a favor and rub this fork over your private part" which she did. He then goes to the blind man and gives him the fork. The blind man takes it and puts it to his nose and says, "Oh interesting! I never knew Brenda works here!"

There was a car accident, and the cops pull up to the crime scene to start asking people questions. The police started talking to a blonde lady and said, "What happened here?" She responded by saying, "A car crash." They then asked, "But how did it happen?" She responded, "The cars crashed into each other." They finally said, "But why did it happen?" The lady said, "Oh, I know where you're going with this. It happened because when cars push on the gas pedal, the car goes forward, and they both pushed it, so they both went forward and hit each other." One cop said, "Never mind, ma'am," and they started walking away.

The blonde lady then said, "Oh, and officers, my computer froze. Do you think I should put it in the microwave or in the oven?"

How many times do you tickle an octopus to make it laugh?

Ten-tickles.

How do pedophiles get kids to suck their d**k?

They spray paint it like candy 🍬.

What do you call that useless piece of skin that goes all the way around a pussy?

A woman!

How do you turn the Roman numeral IX (9) to a six?

Add the "S."

What do you call a Roman with a pubic hair in his teeth?

Glad He Ate Her.

What do you call an animal with 3 eyes, 2 mouths, 6 noses, and 4 ears?

What's harder than nailing a dead baby to a tree?

My dick while I'm doing it.

What do you get when you cross a priest with a toilet?

Holy shit.

What do you call a Mexican with a rubber toe?

Robetoe.

I love balls, bro. So do you.

What do you call a dead hooker?

It doesn't matter, she won't answer you.

How do Chinese people get their names? Their parents throw woks down the stairs and name their children after the sound it makes.

Do you know why in France there is a cheese named "fromage à râpe?"

Because the cheese got raped.

What do you call a blind German?

A Nazi.

Why can't orphans have sex?

They do not have anyone to call "daddy."