DoS jokes
Producer: We need to stop testing out products on animals.
CEO: Shampoo companies do it all the time.
Fairchild Republic making the A-10 Thunder Bolt.
Why do we even live? We're just gonna die anyway, so what's the point?
What do you call a bunny jumping backwards?
A receding hairline.
I was making holy water, and my girlfriend walked in, saying, "What are you doing?"
I said, "Making holy water."
She said, "How are you making holy water?"
I'm boiling the hell out of it.
What nails do carpenters hate to hit?
Thumb nails.
Memes
Me every day
What do you call an Indian man stuck in a tree?
A leaf.
What do you call someone with no body and no nose?
Nobody knows.
What do you call a child predator and an illegal immigrant? Alien vs. Predator.
He: I am 60 and I have to slog 12 hours a day to make a living. Do you call it life?
She: I am 28 and still a virgin, do you call it life?
Why do orphans go to church?
So at least they will have someone to call father.
What do you get if you cross a zebra and a donkey?
Zeedonk.
How do you fit 1000 babies in a swimming pool?
A blender.
How do you get them out? Slurp them up with a straw.
What do you call a fake noodle?
An impasta.
What did Helen Keller do when she fell down a well?
Screamed till her hands fell off.
What do pedophiles do when they wake up?
Turn on the child safety lock on the car.
What do you call a toothless bear?
A gummy bear.
Why do orphans have 363 days in a year?
Because they don't have a mother's or father's day.
Where do you find a cow with no legs?
Right where you left it!
What do cows listen to?
Moo-sic.
Why is the day you do laundry, cook, clean, iron, and so on called a day off?