DoS jokes
What was the chip doing at the hairdressers?
It was getting a crinkle cut.
If you're mad, hire an orphan, what are they gonna do, tell their parents? 🤣🤣
What do lemons 🍋 wear in the rain?
Yellow jackets.
What do Monica and Bill Clinton have in common? They both did not inhale. Lol.
Why do people always tell actors to break a leg?
Because every play has a cast.
Memes
What do you call an orphan?
A bootysnagger45.
What do you call a gold digger?
A miner.
Why do you call a pineapple a pineapple?
Because it is a pineapple, pin, apple, apple, pen, doudodo.
In the new Grinch, the Whos would say he stole Christmas, "Get him!" Then the Grinch said, "I'm an orphan!" That changes everything. The Whos said, "What would they do if Max was an orphan?"
How do you put "blonde" and "duh" in the same sentence? Just say, "Blondes are dumb."
What do a moose and a triceratops have in common?
Both have noses.
What do you call a bird orgy?
No bird control.
Do you know the number one cause of death for lesbians?
Getting your fingers stuck in there.
What do maths and 9/11 have in common?
They both prove two parallel lines can be intercepted by a plane.
What do 9/11 and gender have in common?
They used to be two, and now it's a sensitive topic.
What do you call a toothless bear?
A gummy bear.
Regular depressed person: I'm depressed, so I'll go see a therapist.
Me: I'm depressed, so I won't do anything about it, work on many projects at the same time, destroying my sanity slowly while relying on caffeine and pills as my only way to take down my headaches, and making memes about it online to help myself cope with the pain.
A homeless man sees a woman about to jump off a bridge.
A homeless man is walking along a road and comes across a bridge. On the bridge is a woman standing on the railing, clearly about to jump. He approaches the woman.
"Hey lady, are you about to jump?"
"Back off! If you come any closer, I'll do it!" she replies.
"Well, that's fine," he says, "but before you do, can I ask a favor? I'm pretty down on my luck, and it's been a long time since I've felt the touch of a woman, so if it's all the same to you, would you have sex with me first?"
"Eww no, fuck off you creep!" the woman shouts back.
"Fine," the man says. "I'll just go wait at the bottom."
Sans, you lazybones, get up and do something.
Sans: I am doing something.
Papyrus: Oh yeah, what?
Sans: Thinking up a skele-ton of jokes.
Papyrus: SANSSSsSsSsSssSsSSsSsSsSSsSSsSsSsS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I will end you.
Sans: What, does someone not have a funny bone? Oh wait, do you have a bone to pick with me? I have 206.
Why should a feminist never be allowed to join the UAW United Auto Workers?
Because the only thing that a feminist will do in the UAW United Auto Workers, is eat pussy all day inside the women's restroom and she will only pay her membership dues, if she is allowed to eat pussy all day inside the women's restroom.