DoS Jokes

A robot walks into a bar and orders a martini.

The bartender is flabbergasted that a robot can do that.

"New around here?" said the bartender.

"Nah, been here a while," said the robot.

Bartender "You can talk?"

Robot "Yeah, pretty cool, huh."

Bartender "Why do you want a martini?"

Robot "Oh, I'm just in the mood for one, you know?"

The bartender is shocked to see a robot making completely normal small talk.

The robot seems to be just like a normal human.

"Wow, who programmed you?" asked the bartender.

"The top minds in the world," said the robot.

The robot speaks again, "I have a question for you..."

Bartender, "What?"

"Why did you read this entire story? It does not have a punchline. I just wasted your time. Get bamboozled, nerd!"

What do Jamaicans say when they touch a cactus?

Pokemon!

Why do Catholic Irishmen in Ireland have a glory hole in the men's restroom inside their restaurants so they can give Irish kisses on Saint Patrick's Day?

What do you call an emo dating another emo?

The suicide duo.

What do you call a hung autist...

Dead.

What do you call a Muslim and an Arab in a plane?

Pilots, you racist fuckers!

What do gay men like to suck each other's bananas because they like the ice cream filling?

If you punch an orphan, what are they going to do? Tell their parents?

Hey, did you know Paul Walker's gay?

Why do you say that?

Because he likes to wrap himself around long, old wood.

What do you call a 3 humped camel?

Answer: a prostitute from New York. 😂😭💀

How do you find a blind man on a nude beach?

It’s not hard.

Once I told an abortion joke and this woman was like, "I've had an abortion, that's offensive." And I was like, "I just tell jokes, I think what you do is much worse."

What do you call a green boner? The Grinch.

What's the difference between a five-year-old and a Democrat?

The five-year-old doesn't expect you to do everything for them.

(Vote for Ted Cruz, Ben Shapiro 2020)

What does a grape do if a rhino is about to squash it?

Nothing, it just lets out a little wine.

Director: Hi, we are making a huge cliffhanger in this movie.

Actor: Really? What do I do?

Director: You will play the part of the cliff. (holds up hanging rope)

I caught my sister licking up and down and deep throating a banana. I said, "Why are you doing that for?" She replied, "I'm doing it for practice for your friends."

I heard he's doing a revival tour next month. It's called "Stephen Hawking Unplugged."

What do a 14 year old and the fetus inside her both think?

"Man, my mom's going to kill me!"

What do you get when you cross a deer and a pickle?

A dildo.