DoS jokes
How do you know if you're making a Caesar salad? Stabbing it 23 times.
I hate double standards. Burn a body at a crematorium, you're "being a respectful friend." Do it at home and you're "destroying evidence."
Why is Christianity the most dramatic religion?
Because other religions say, "Do, do, do."
But Christianity says, "Done, done, done!"
How do you make a snooker table laugh? Tickle its balls!
What do a moose and a triceratops have in common?
Both have noses.
Memes
How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it!
What do you get when you put an ape's brain in a gorilla? A feminist!
This category is messed up.
My Mom died in 9/11, at least she was doing what she loved, flying planes.
Do you know what you call a bunch of depressed kids?
"Suicide Squad!"
What do you get when you gobble down sweets?
What do you call a war dodo named Bob in WW2 and he came from Mars?
Bruno Mars.
People tell me to be nice to orphans, so I say, "What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?"
How does the cheetah do in every race?
It’s always a cheetah.
What do you call a fat duck?
Donald Duck.
Q: What do a blond girl and a tornado have in common? A: There's a lot of blowing and sucking, then you lose your house.
A man and a child walk into the woods. The child turns to the man and says, "Mister, can we go home? It's getting late, and I'm scared to walk home."
The man turns to the child and says, "How do you think I feel? I have to walk home alone!"
What do suicidal people and apples have in common?
They both hang from trees.
Why do orphans like Spider-Man?
100% of them are like him!
What do you call a funny chicken?
A comedi-hen!
What do you call a bald Mexican?
A huevo.