DoS jokes
I hate double standards.
Burn a body at a crematorium, you’re “being a respectful friend.” Do it at home and you’re “destroying evidence.”
What do you call a guy with a sandwich?
A guy with a sandwich.
Do you like tree jokes? Because they leaf me in tears! :3
Why do you want me?
Cus u like me...
What do you mean?
You love me.
No.
Look down.
Hi 👋 I love 💕 you know I do. What a good night of a good [something].
Memes
Why can’t orphans play baseball??
Because they can’t find their way to home plate.
What do you call a group of letters that like to dance but make you want to poop?
A vowel movement.
What do you call a pig who knows karate?
A pork chop.
What do you call a snobbish criminal going down the stairs?
A condescending con descending.
You: What you doing?
I wonder what you’re doing because you’re bad at math, hahahahaha!
What do you call a fish with no eyes?
A fsh.
What do you call a hill with cows on it?
A Moo-ntain.
What do you call a PEIS?
Three guys walk into a room where a man is sitting with an assortment of foods on his plate because it's lunchtime. The guys ask the man to do a favor, and he says, "Sorry guys, I have a lot on my plate!"
Do you know why I don't like stairs? They are always up to something. #dadjokes
Me: God, Bryce, do we really have to talk about this again?
Bryce: What?
Me: You're still talking shit!! I already told you! It's 9 inches! Stop saying it's 3!
P.S. I'm a girl.
Why do emos cut themselves?
To play noughts and crosses.
"Knock Knock..."
"Who's There?"
"Kenya"
"Kenya who?"
"KENYA OPEN THE DOOR IT'S FREEZING OUT HERE!!!!"
Why do bees stay in the hive during winter?
... S'warm!
A doctor slept with one of his patients and thought to himself, "This is wrong, but some doctors do it..." He is a vet.