I hate double standards.
Burn a body at a crematorium, you’re “being a respectful friend.” Do it at home and you’re “destroying evidence.”
DoS Jokes
Do you like tree jokes? Because they leaf me in tears! :3
Do you know why I don't like stairs? They are always up to something. #dadjokes
Me: God, Bryce, do we really have to talk about this again?
Bryce: What?
Me: You're still talking shit!! I already told you! It's 9 inches! Stop saying it's 3!
P.S. I'm a girl.
What do you call a pig who knows karate?
A pork chop.
What do you call a PEIS?
I'm doing something Stephen Hawking can't do... pressing "I'm not a robot."
What do you say after you throw an egg at someone? "Yolks on you!"
What do you call a guy with a sandwich?
A guy with a sandwich.
What can a mouse do?
He clicks.
What do lawyers wear to court?
Lawsuits.
Why can’t orphans play baseball??
Because they can’t find their way to home plate.
Why do many New Yorkers like watching Spider-Man?
Because he’s always on the webcast.
Hi 👋 I love 💕 you know I do. What a good night of a good [something].
What do you call a wingless fly?
A walk!
What do you call a mom that is yours?
Your mom!
Hi Mom, how are you doing?
Do you know why an atom is positive? He kept his electrons.
Two skeletons meet at the graveyard at noon.
"What the heck are you doing here?"
"I couldn't sleep."
What do you call a sad Doge?
What?
Nothing but Sarrrooooddd!
