DoS jokes
"I work with animals," the guy says to his Tinder date.
"That's so sweet," she replies. "I like a man who loves animals. Where do you work?"
"I'm a butcher," he says.
"Why do cemeteries have fences around them? Because everyone's dying to get in!"
Why do bees have sticky hair?
Because they use a honeycomb.
Why do all of Oliver Anthony's songs sound like "shit"?
Answer: Because he sucks!
"Where do young trees go to learn?"
"Elementree school."
Memes
"What do you give a man that has everything? Penicillin."
I think I would like a job cleaning mirrors. It's just something I could really see myself doing.
What do you call a paralyzed kid with a gun?
Special Forces.
What do you call a bald person on fire?
A fried egg.
What do super fancy music conductors wear?
A Louis baton.
How do you organize a space party? You "planet" with some "cheddar" and "brie"-pare for launch!
Me: Do you like cobble?
My friend: No.
Me: Gobble deez nuts!
I was doing a magic show. I tried to make a bunny disappear, but it didnβt work.
I walked outside in shame. I looked up and realised the towers had disappeared!!!!
What do the Twin Towers and genders have in common? They were only two.
How do blind kids get punished?
By moving the furniture around the house.
I saw your mom at work the other night. She was talking about how good she was doing.
Hands down, best $20 blowjob ever.
Do you know Biden?
Biden on these nuts.
Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7, 8, 9.
Do you know why 10 was scared? Because he was between 9/11.
Where do orphans get stuff from?
The reject shop.
Why do Jedis stay single?
Because they use "divorce" (the Force).
May divorce be with you!