DoS jokes

My step bro thought I was single and tried to take me, but I said, "I'm take." And guess what he did? He cried.

Why? Why would you do that?

Where do you go to get the best fish?

A restaurant on the Titanic.

What do you call a cow that doesn't stop shaking?

A milkshake.

What do you call a toddler lying in the middle of the road? Speed bump.

Why do oranges wear sunscreen? So they don't peel.

Roses are red, Violets are blue, Your grandma died, your dad left you too, Now you're living with your old grandma coot. Oh, let's not forget your mom left you, too. You gon' live alone, die alone, with no roses on your casket, too.

How do you make a plumber cry?

You kill his family.

I am only here because me no like Blues Clues LGBTQ episode as I don’t believe in that. If you do, ok.

And it shouldn’t be a month, the month should be for all of the war veterans, it should be a day for pride. Companies only use this month for money; it’s exploitation because they don’t truly support, unlike me, in which I don’t support it.

A teacher asked her young students to get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. The next day, the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories. There were all the regular type of stuff.

But then the teacher realized that only Janie was left. "Janie, do you have a story to share?" "Yes madam... My daddy told me a story about my Mom." "OK, let’s hear,” said the teacher.

“My Mom was a Marine pilot in Operation Desert Storm in Iraq and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a flask of whiskey, a pistol, and a survival knife. She drank the whiskey on the way down so the bottle wouldn’t break and then her parachute landed her right in the middle of 20 Iraqi troops.” “She shot 15 of them with the pistol, until she ran out of bullets, killed four more with the knife, till the blade broke, and then she killed the last Iraqi with her bare hands.”

Pin drop silence in the class!

"Good Heavens," said the horrified teacher, "What did your Daddy tell you was the moral to this horrible story?"

“Stay away from Mummy when she’s drunk...!!!”

Two Native Americans

Unwittingly walk into a gay bar and sit down to order a pitcher of beer. As they're sitting there sucking back on their ale, a gay guy walks up and says, "How would you boys like a blow job?"

The one Indian stands up and decks the guy, knocking him unconscious. He then sits back down and finishes his beer.

His buddy looks over and says, "Hey Joe, what did you do that for?"

Joe replies, "Not sure but it was something about getting a job!"

What do you call an Indian lesbian? Minge-eater.

What do you call two Mexicans having sex? 50 Shades of Brown.

How do you know if your wife is dead?

Sex is the same, but the dishes keep piling up.

Man, abortion jokes just don't get old, do they?

In fact, they don't age at all.

What kind of file do you need to turn a 15 mm hole into a 40 mm hole? A pedophile.

Why do seagulls fly over the sea? Because if they flew over a bay, they would be bagels.

What soda do mountains drink? Mountain Dew.

Q. What do a one-story house and an Alzheimer's victim have in common? A. Nothing going on upstairs.

Q: How do you stop babies from being conceived through incest?

A: Cum on your cousin's face.

What do women and a Happy Meal have in common?

They both come with a toy.