DoS jokes
A teacher asked her young students to get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. The next day, the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories. There were all the regular type of stuff.
But then the teacher realized that only Janie was left. "Janie, do you have a story to share?" "Yes madam... My daddy told me a story about my Mom." "OK, let’s hear,” said the teacher.
“My Mom was a Marine pilot in Operation Desert Storm in Iraq and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a flask of whiskey, a pistol, and a survival knife. She drank the whiskey on the way down so the bottle wouldn’t break and then her parachute landed her right in the middle of 20 Iraqi troops.” “She shot 15 of them with the pistol, until she ran out of bullets, killed four more with the knife, till the blade broke, and then she killed the last Iraqi with her bare hands.”
Pin drop silence in the class!
"Good Heavens," said the horrified teacher, "What did your Daddy tell you was the moral to this horrible story?"
“Stay away from Mummy when she’s drunk...!!!”
Two Native Americans
Unwittingly walk into a gay bar and sit down to order a pitcher of beer. As they're sitting there sucking back on their ale, a gay guy walks up and says, "How would you boys like a blow job?"
The one Indian stands up and decks the guy, knocking him unconscious. He then sits back down and finishes his beer.
His buddy looks over and says, "Hey Joe, what did you do that for?"
Joe replies, "Not sure but it was something about getting a job!"
What do you call an Indian lesbian? Minge-eater.
What do you call two Mexicans having sex? 50 Shades of Brown.
How do you know if your wife is dead?
Sex is the same, but the dishes keep piling up.
Memes
Man, abortion jokes just don't get old, do they?
In fact, they don't age at all.
Why do seagulls fly over the sea? Because if they flew over a bay, they would be bagels.
What soda do mountains drink? Mountain Dew.
What kind of file do you need to turn a 15 mm hole into a 40 mm hole? A pedophile.
What do you call Indian dhal that is delicious?
Well, that is DHALicious!
Kid 1: I like you! Do you like me?
Kid 2: No. You never asked if I love you!
Kid 1: Aw, do you love me?
Kid 2: No!
What do a penis and a Rubik’s Cube have in common?
The more you play with it, the harder it gets.
What can you do if you can't bear sharing the same blood as your father who raped you?
Have a blood transfusion.
What do emos and apples have in common? They both hang from trees.
What do you call it when a caveman does a fart?
A blast from the past!
How do you see past that forehead?
Why do orphans play with boomerangs?
Because they come back.
What do you call 6 gay men in WW2?
Rainbow Six Siege.
Why do we tell actors to break a leg?
...Because there's always a cast!
How do Taliban parents feed their babies?
"Here comes the plane... weeee, BOOM! 💥"