DoS jokes
Why do teenage girls hang out in odd-numbered groups?
Because they can't even.
How do skyscrapers make friends?
They reach out.
Kermit the Frog and Fozzie Bear were having a picnic.
Fozzie said, "Do you know where Ms. Piggy is? I haven't seen her all day."
Kermit said, "I don't know, but this extra bacon cheeseburger sure tastes great."
What do nail polish and panties have in common?
Both come off with alcohol.
What do you call a gay guy eating Cheerios?
Fruit Loops.
Memes
Do you like soccer? My favorite player is Ronaldo, but we can still get Messi.
My favorite thing to do in libraries is put cookbooks in the women’s sports section.
I will never forget the moment when my father saw me masturbating. He said, "Son, what are you doing? I'm on a video conference - get out of my office!"
Why do rappers make terrible pirates?
Because they’re always DROPPING HOOKS!
What do you call an LGBTQ+ plane?
A biplane.
Person with no arms: Even though I have no arms, I can do anything you guys can.
Me: If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands. 👏👏 If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands. 👏👏
Person with no arms: 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
What do you call a paraplegic stuck in a tower?
In trouble!
I can’t take my dog to the park anymore.
Why?
The ducks keep trying to eat him.
Why would they do that?
Because he’s pure-bread.
What do you call a 5th grader with no friends?
Sandy Hook survivor.
How do you knock out 26 kids in one punch?
Give them a Sandy Hook.
Bill Clinton, George W. Bush, and George Washington are on a sinking ship.
As the boat sinks, George Washington heroically shouts: “Save the women!”
George W. Bush hysterically hollers: “Screw the women!”
Bill Clinton asks excitedly: “Do we have time?”
What do you call a guy who loves to eat out a hoe's pussy?
Answer: a Carnivwhore.
What do you do when an epileptic has a seizure in the bathtub?
Throw in some laundry...
How do rappers stay cool in the studio?
They turn on the mic and DROP THE HEAT!
How do rappers like their coffee? With a lot of flow creamer.