DoS jokes
What do you call a bear with no teeth?
A gummy bear.
Why do elves go to school?
To learn the elf-abet.
What kind of candy do astronauts eat in space?
Mars bars.
What do a 14-year-old pregnant girl and the child inside her have in common?
Both are thinking, “Oh no! My mom’s gonna kill me!”
Do you know that “I’m sorry” and “I apologize” usually mean the same thing?
Except at a funeral.
Memes
Why do emos suck at playing tic-tac-toe on their wrists?
Because when they win, they lose.
What did Ahsan do?
Meow meow.
Why do orphans have only 363 days in their calendar year?
Because they don't have father's and mother's days.
How do you make the grass cut itself?
Make it depressed.
How do you stop a baby from crying?
You drown it.
How do you put a baby astronaut to sleep?
You rocket!
How do you know if you’ve walked into a sex addicts' counselling session?
The psychologist will thank you for coming.
Do you know why dinosaurs can't eat hyenas?
Because they're dead! The last thing they ate was some rock.
How do you make your girlfriend scream during sex?
Call and tell her about it.
What do you get when you mix a grizzly bear and milk? Mauled.
Why did the woman cross the road?
What’s she doing out of the kitchen in the first place?
Judge to the defendant: "Defendant, do you have a criminal record?"
"No."
"Have you always been honest?"
"No, never been caught!"
How do 4 gay guys fit on one stool at the same time?
They flip it over.
To teach kids about democracy, I let them vote on dinner. They picked tacos. Then I made pizza because they do not live in a swing state.
Why do cemeteries have fences?
Because people are dying to be there.