DoS jokes
Do you like soccer? My favorite player is Ronaldo, but we can still get Messi.
What song do you play at a emo kid's funeral?
House of Pain—"Jump Around."
What do you call a line of men waiting to get haircuts? A barber-queue.
What do you call a beehive without an exit? Un-bee-lievable!
At the job interview, they asked me, “Where do you see yourself in five years?”
I told him, “I think we’ll still be using mirrors in five years.”
Memes
How do you knock out 26 kids in one punch?
Give them a Sandy Hook.
What do you get when you cross a corrupt lawyer with a crooked politician?
Chelsea Clinton.
Bill Clinton, George W. Bush, and George Washington are on a sinking ship.
As the boat sinks, George Washington heroically shouts: “Save the women!”
George W. Bush hysterically hollers: “Screw the women!”
Bill Clinton asks excitedly: “Do we have time?”
Bill Clinton and Joe Biden are on a sinking ship.
Joe Biden says we need to save the women and children. Bill Clinton says, "Screw the women and children." Joe Biden says, "Do we have that much time?"
Where do babies get baptized?
So the priest can wash their sex toys.
What do Pink Floyd and Princess Diana have in common?
Their last big hit was the wall.
What do you call a blowjob in Africa?
Breakfast.
When cops say you have the right to remain silent,
You're just happy you have the right to do something.
Why do people hit their electronics when they don’t work?
You keep the tradition of hitting black things.
What do you call it when Panera Bread goes to space?
Good question.
What do you call it when someone lies to Panera Bread?
Panera misled.
What do you call a paraplegic stuck in a tower?
In trouble!
I can’t take my dog to the park anymore.
Why?
The ducks keep trying to eat him.
Why would they do that?
Because he’s pure-bread.
When I bring someone breakfast in bed, I want to hear a thank you. And no, “What are you doing in my house?”
What do you call a group of Alabama superheroes?
The Incredibles.