When I bring someone breakfast in bed, I want to hear a thank you. And no, “What are you doing in my house?”
DoS Jokes
What do you call a group of Alabama superheroes?
The Incredibles.
What do orgasms and impulses have in common?
I don’t care if they have either of them.
My favorite thing to do in libraries is put cookbooks in the women’s sports section.
What do you call an orphan’s family reunion?
Me time.
How do you break up a fight between two gay men?
Say, "Can you get straight to the point?"
Why'd the alternate universe Spider-Man do so well on his driving test? He's an excellent parallel Parker.
How do flat-earthers travel?
On a plane.
What do you call an apartment full of black people?
A CON-dominium.
What do you call a gay guy eating Cheerios?
Fruit Loops.
What do you call an autistic kid in a school shooting?
Target practice.
Do you think John F. Kennedy went for a ride in Dallas just to clear his head because his wife said he was close-minded?
What do you call an autistic person playing a guitar?
Guarded.
Why do rappers make terrible pirates?
Because they’re always DROPPING HOOKS!
What do you call an LGBTQ+ plane?
A biplane.
What do you call a group of rappers stuck in traffic?
A cypher circle.
Two guys in a car get pulled over by a cop. The cop taps the window, and the window rolls down. "Good evening, gentlemen, we're looking for two pedophiles."
The guy quickly closes the window. Ten seconds later, he lowers it again and says, "Ok, we'll do it."
Why did the woman cross the road?
What’s she doing out of the kitchen in the first place?
Judge to the defendant: "Defendant, do you have a criminal record?"
"No."
"Have you always been honest?"
"No, never been caught!"
Why do orphans have only 363 days in their calendar year?
Because they don't have father's and mother's days.
