DoS jokes
(Kids Doing A Science Project.) Kid 1: Did you bring Uranus?
Kid 2: Never leave home without it.
What do you call a very rude bird? A mockingbird.
What did George Washington Carver have anything to do with gorillas? It's a little possible, ya dummy!
Where do all orphan chickens end up? Foster Farms.
Go up to someone and say, "I'm sorry for your loss," and see what they do.
Memes
Why do orphans pick apples? Because that's the only thing they can pick.
How do you surprise a blind guy?
Say, "Surprise!"
Where do nuts go for a quick energy boost? The nearest Shell station.
What do elephants drink on vacation?
Peanut coladas.
Where do squirrels go for fun?
The acorn-ival.
How do you get a squirrel to be your friend?
Act like a nut.
The bell rings, and Ana was about to leave, but the teacher said, "The bell doesn't dismiss you, I do."
The next day, Ana was late, and the teacher asked, "Why are you late?" Ana replied with, "The bell doesn't tell me when I should arrive, I do."
What do you call an angry nut with a mustache?
A pistachio.
How do you catch an elephant?
Act like a peanut.
What do you call it when orphans take a family photo? A selfie!
How old do you have to be to drink? Any age.
Life asked death, "Why do people choose you over me?"
Death replied, "Because you're the beautiful lie, and I'm the painful truth."
Why do orphans make terrible baseball players?
They don't know where home plate is.
A student asked a teacher, "How do you pronounce this word? It's spelled A-L-L-I-E-D."
The teacher was about to answer, but then the student said, "Actually, I know how to pronounce it. I lied!" (allied)
What do a blonde chick and a field of wheat have in common?
They're both bound to get plowed at some point in time.