DoS jokes
What do monkeys eat for dinner? KFC.
Why do orphans die young?
The apple doesn't fall far from the tree.
Your sister is so stupid, when she saw Mountain Dew, she went to the top of a mountain to get it.
Why do orphans pick apples? Because that's the only thing they can pick.
How do you surprise a blind guy?
Say, "Surprise!"
Memes
Where do nuts go for a quick energy boost? The nearest Shell station.
What do elephants drink on vacation?
Peanut coladas.
What competition do nuts participate in?
The peanut butter cup.
Where do squirrels go for fun?
The acorn-ival.
How do you get a squirrel to be your friend?
Act like a nut.
What do a pulse and an orgasm have in common?
I don’t care if she has one.
The bell rings, and Ana was about to leave, but the teacher said, "The bell doesn't dismiss you, I do."
The next day, Ana was late, and the teacher asked, "Why are you late?" Ana replied with, "The bell doesn't tell me when I should arrive, I do."
What do you call an angry nut with a mustache?
A pistachio.
What do you call super expensive shoes?
Cashews.
How do you catch an elephant?
Act like a peanut.
What do you get when you have a class of kids and a speeding car?
A 24 killstreak!
A man got pulled over, and the policeman had stepped out and said, "Do you know how fast you were going?"
The man said, "I was trying to catch up with the traffic."
The officer said, "There is no traffic."
The man said, "Exactly, that’s how far behind I am!"
This bitch won't message me anymore, what the fuck do I do? Why are bitches so sensitive?
How do you kill a sheep?
You lamb shank it!
Why do orphans not buy a keyboard? Because they can’t use the home button.