DoS jokes
What do a blonde chick and a turtle both have in common?
When they're on their backs, they're screwed.
How do you stop a baby from crawling around in circles?
You nail its other hand to the floor.
A teenage girl got a summer job dogsitting for a gigantic English Mastiff. She spent hours with the dog, and walked a little funny when she got home.
"What are you doing all day?"
"Knot a lot."
How do you talk to giants? Using big words.
Q: Why do orphans work at Olive Garden?
A: Because when you're there, you're family.
Memes
What do you call a terrorist in a wheelchair?
This car in RC-XD.
I was doing a race, and I started after everyone 'cause I fell, but when I got up I realized I couldn't even race, not because I was behind, but because I can't go straight if I'm gay...
What do you call it when an orphan takes a picture?
A family portrait/A selfie.
How can a guy do stand up comedy in a wheelchair?
What do 9-year-old girls want? To be ate again!
My son's into astromancy asked me how do stars die, so I told him, "Usually on overdose, son."
What does a nosey pepper do?
It gets jalapeΓ±o business!
What's the one thing that you don't have but celebrities do?
Lots of fans.
What do 7 year old girls want?
To be ate!
How do you recycle a condom? Turn it inside out and shake the f *ck out of it!
What fruit do scarecrows love the most?
Straw-berries.
Pokemon: What do you call a killer that uses psycho powers?
Mr. Mime!
What film do orphans hate?
"Instant Family."
Why do orphans have criminal records?
So they can be wanted.
What do Philippe Petit and New York citizens have in common?
They both walk(ed) over the Twin Towers.